Tuesday, April 27, 2010

This Merry-Go Round Is Making Me Kinda Dizzy

I think I might possibly be the worst blogger ever.  No really EVER.  I really really really am going to try to do better.  I promise.  Also, I'm way behind on reading all the blogs I follow...and I'm way behind on answering emails.  Seriously, I'm not ignoring you.

Ok, so here's what's going on in my world.  This is not meant to be an excuse, but I have been really preoccupied.

On the 17th of this month I received a message on my MySpace Truth Box app from someone that I literally never thought I would ever hear from again.  I didn't get the message until the 21st because honestly I only randomly log onto MySpace when I'm extremely bored and have absolutely nothing else to do.  Anyway, I was shocked to get this message...it basically just had a phone number and it said "I think you should call me", and was signed "former member of the dorky ducky club" (that's a story for another day).

It all begin in the winter of 2004...I met this woman online, we'll call her Brooke.  We chatted online for awhile, exchanged emails, and eventually started talking on the phone.  I will not lie to you, I was completely head over heels for her.  Yeah, I know...you're thinking that's pretty dumb.  Well, I've never claimed to be smart when it comes to women.  So anyway, after we had been talking for awhile we decided that we should meet.  We didn't live anywhere near each other....I was in Texas and she was in Michigan.  I believe it was late January/early February when we first started planning this trip.  I worked for a university in TX at the time and Spring Break was going to be the first available opportunity for me to travel.  So it was set, things were great, I was giddy.  We continued chatting back and forth, and we would send each other cards and packages and whatnot.  My friends were sickened by the cuteness of it all.  On February 15th she totally dropped a bomb on me.  A friend of hers, Jen, showed up at her house the previous night...Valentine's Day...with a bouquet of flowers and expressed her undying love.  Brooke calls me and tells me that maybe a long distance relationship isn't what she up for, and it's probably smarter to pursue things with the local girl.

I was crushed.  Also Brooke was not allowed to talk to me anymore because the new girl felt threatened by me.  Awesome.

Fast forward to October 15, 2006.  I got a call from Brooke...she informed me that she and Jen had broken up the previous night.  This is really odd because I had also broken things off with my girlfriend the previous evening.  Weird huh?  I saw this as a sign.  We were just meant to be.  Who woulda thought that I am a hopeless romantic?  Anyway, we talked back and forth.  I flew out to Michigan...she flew into Denver.  All was well and good, and I was ecstatic.  Then in February Brooke informed me that she had been talking to Jen, and she was breaking up with me to see if she could make things work with her.

I was crushed.  This time Brooke promised that we would keep in touch because she didn't want to lose my friendship.  That didn't happen.  Jen hates me...I know this is hard to believe seeing as how I'm so lovable and all....but the chick literally hates me.

So now Brooke and Jen have broken up again.  Brooke is calling me again.  Brooke would like to come to Georgia to visit.  Jen is probably currently plotting on ways to kill me.

I really don't know what to do.  I'm not so blind that I can't see the pattern here.  But for me Brooke was always the one who got away...twice.  Part of me is so excited that I'm back in contact with her, and part of me is terrified that in a few months she's going to go back to Jen, and I'm going to be left to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart.  My sister in law thinks I'm crazy...actually I think her exact words were, "Are you fucking stupid?".  Stupid or not, I love this woman and if there's even a remote possibility that we can make things work then I'm going for it.

7 comments:

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

well the 1st thing that came to my mind was the definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

But if you will regret not trying for a 3rd time then well you know the answer. Are you willing to have this done to you again? Because that possibility is very high. If so then take the leap. Do you really love her or the possiblity of her?

I get the feeling that you really know what you are going to do and you know you shouldn't but you know. I hope it works for you this time! If not she'll get a collective blog friends kick in the ass. :-)

R.H. Ducky said...

haha, the definition of stupidity definitely fits me in this case.
i would regret not trying. i would always wonder what might have been. i really do love her. we've had our ups and downs...but all in all she is a really great person. i could sit here all day and list all the things i absolutely adore about her.
i hope it works this time too, but i suppose only time will tell.

R.H. Ducky said...

haha, the definition of stupidity definitely fits me in this case.
i would regret not trying. i would always wonder what might have been. i really do love her. we've had our ups and downs...but all in all she is a really great person. i could sit here all day and list all the things i absolutely adore about her.
i hope it works this time too, but i suppose only time will tell.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Then go for it!
I knew you knew the answer all along!

I only regret the things in my life that I did not do - not the things I have done...no matter how they turned out.

There is a bottle of wine calling my name now!

Anonymous said...

Good luck! You only live once so go for it.
xoxo
Cousin It

Anonymous said...

i totally think you should go for it also!

what has happened in the past between you both kinda sucks,but from the way you describe it, brooke doesnt sound like an evil person out to do you harm. it just seems like the timing has always been off for you two.

i think you'd always regret not giving it one more chance.

good luck!

R.H. Ducky said...

cousin it ~ not sure if you remember this or not, but once upon a time i was in your neck of the woodds and we were shopping and you helped me pick out some gifts for a girl i was seeing...that was brooke. and thanks for the encouragement!

tammie ~ thank you. the way things have happened has completely sucked. i think it was a combination of bad timing and us rushing into things way too fast. we're gonna try to take things a bit slower this time around. and you're right, i would forever regret not trying.