Lost Motiviation Found

I haven't blogged in a really long time, I mean a REALLY long time.  Lots has happened in my life since the last time I posted anything.  Some of you (if there is indeed anyone who still pops over here) are facebook friends of mine so you have a general idea about what's going on in my world.  Lately though I've been kind of neglecting facebook too.  Here's a rundown:

-  Conditions at my brother's company in GA were less than ideal.  The company is struggling and I rarely got paid on time, and I never got paid what I was supposed to get paid.  I'm all for helping the family out, but I have bills to pay.  As of right now I am owed a little over $10,000 in back pay.  Also, my brother lives beyond his means and has a newly remodeled kitchen, nice vehicles, is building a new shop/playhouse in his backyard, etc....it was hard to not feel unimportant and unappreciated.

-  I originally moved from TX to GA to help out my brother with said company and with my nephews.  I can't tell you all enough how much I enjoyed getting to know the munchkins!  Those are two of the most adorable, amazing little guys.  That being said, my brother had a tendency to not EVER want to, as he said, "babysit"....so I sort of became built in babysitter.  I have problems with this.  Ok, parents out there, is it really considered babysitting if they are YOUR children?  I love my little brother dearly but after living in GA for awhile I came to the conclusion that he is a selfish ass.

-  I got a new puppy!  She is the cutest, sweetest, smartest, best dog EVER.  She was originally my sister in law's mom's dog, but she couldn't keep her....so I adopted her.  Without further ado, here is Nikita the Wonder Dog:

Isn't she gorgeous!  Look at those blue eyes!  Gah, love love love her!!!!!


-  Back in June I got really fed up with my life in general and decided I really needed a vacation.  My dear friend Markus (aka Munky) in Denver, convinced me that a trip to CO would be ideal.  I agreed.  I flew out to Denver and spent a week hanging out with some old friends (I lived in Denver from 2005-2008), and had an absolute blast!  Munky began devising a plan to move me back to Denver....it was difficult not to consider it.

-  Upon my arrival back in GA my brother asked me if I was moving to CO....he is very perceptive about some things.  I was honest with him and told him I was considering it.  On July 12th I got into a very heated argument with my cousin/co-worker.  I was told that I was going to Hell for being gay.  I was told that I was sick.  I was told that straight white men are oppressed by women, gays, and minorities.  That evening I decided that I did not belong in a small town in GA.  I called Munky and we began planning my move.

-  On the morning of July 18th Nikita and I started a roughly 1,500 mile journey from GA to CO.  We arrived in Denver on July 19th at around 2:00 pm....yeah, we were balls to the wall on our trip.  We are both happier here.  Nikita is loving the cooler weather, and she has a new playmate (Munky's dog, Morgan).  I am thrilled to be in a more open-minded city, around old friends, and to be on a new adventure.  Now I must find a job!


 I am going to try (again) to actually maintain my blog on a regular basis.  Munky and I also have a plan for video blog in the works.  He is a graduate from the Art Institute and has a film degree....so we feel we should put that to some use.  More on that later.

I hope everyone is well, I have missed this corner of my world!

*ducky hugs*

Holiday Ramblings

I think I've finally recovered from my turkey hangover.  Actually now that I think about it, I really didn't eat that much turkey.  However, I did manage to eat A LOT of just about everything else.  My brother literally asked me how I eat and consume alcoholic beverages the way I do and still manage to not weight 982 lbs.  I'm pretty baffled by this as well...thank goodness for fast metabolisms I suppose.  The following pic was actually taken the day before Thanksgiving, but it is evidence of my alcohol consumption level.

And there you have it kids, the first official picture of me on the blog.  Drinking a big ass beer in a Mexican restaurant...probably not the most flattering pic, but it's a pretty good representation of me.

I had intended on writing a post yesterday, but immediately after coming into the office I realized that being off work for 4.5 days (yeah we bailed early on Wednesday) is both a blessing and a curse.  Much to my dismay a little office fairy did not swing by and do all my work in my absence.  I think I have everything caught back up now...I also thought that about 2 hours ago before finding out I was grossly mistaken. 

I had a really nice Thanksgiving.  We hosted, and our guests consisted of mostly Sandy's (sister in law) family....but my stepdad was able to make it out for a visit, which was super awesome.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I am domestically challenged.  And I mean REALLY challenged.  I was crazy stressed about helping with the food prep, but everything turned out beautifully. 

The real trauma of the weekend happened when I was helping Sandy put up the Christmas tree.  She is the biggest freakin' tree Nazi that I have ever encountered in my life.  Seriously.  About half way through I pretty much pretended to help and mostly just drank this vodka filled slush drink we concocted.

We Sandy somehow managed to spill hers at one point.  And they say I'm the klutzy one!  Ok, it's true I am klutzy, but I didn't spill my drink.  Also, after looking closer at this pic I see where my missing chapstick is.

I think the finished tree turned out quite beautifully.  Hat tip to my favorite Christmas Tree Nazi!

Also, in my opinion I managed to snap the most adorable photo EVER of my nephews.

I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season!

Holy Wow

Good:
I would like to take a moment to announce to world that I have the best cousin EVER.  Cousin It just informed me that she bought me a gift that will be shipped to Georgia shortly.  I'm quite certain that another "It Makes Me Smile" post will be popping up real soon.

Bad (possibly):
Brooke is still being weird.  I'm hoping that her being distant is just an effort on her part to assess her life and her wants and needs.  I kinda freaked out yesterday...but I'm trying to be more positive today.  Unfortunately, patience is not a virtue that I was blessed with.

Ugly:

The employee that got in an accident last week somehow managed to rear end someone last night.  The company trucks/trailers are dropping like flies.  I am not a fan of dealing with insurance companies...they pretty much suck.

So, tonight I'm sure I will be drinking...heavily.  But really, how's that different than any other day? ;)

My Thoughts On Mother's Day

This is a post that I've been meaning to write for quite awhile now...but I was afraid to.  Seeing as how this past Sunday was Mother's Day I thought it was a good time.

Today I'm going to talk a little about my mom.  I don't know a whole lot about my mom's childhood, I don't really know her parents that well, and honestly if most of her siblings walked into my office and slapped me right now I wouldn't recognize them.  I have about a decade worth of memories of my mom, a handful of stories that others have shared with me, and a few pictures.  In other words this post may not be the most historically accurate...but historical accuracy isn't really the point today.

When I was a kid I absolutely adored and idolized my mom.  She was such an amazing woman, I know I'll never possess the words to accurately describe her.  I can remember wanting to be just like her.  I always wanted to be right where she was...I probably annoyed the piss out of her following her around the way I did.  But to know my mom was to love her.  She was such a beautiful person, inside and out.  She was smart, funny, talented, outgoing, and stylish...so basically the complete opposite of me.  She could walk into a room full of strangers and walk out with a whole new circle of friends.  I have never been like that, I am generally pretty shy unless I feel really comfortable with people.  It takes me awhile to trust people enough to open up and let them in.  She was also very crafty.  I think maybe this is one reason why I want to learn to sew so badly.  Maybe part of me wants to feel like I was like her in at least some small way.  Because let's face it, I will never have the style thing down...I do good to get out of the house with an outfit that even matches.

When I think about her I recall her always laughing and happy.  This is probably where my historical accuracy is way off kilter because my mom committed suicide when I was a kid.  I've spent a lot of time being angry with her, and I've spent a lot of time defending her.  I have days that I get so mad that I could cry...and I have days that I am overjoyed to have had the short amount of time with her that I did get.  I suppose this inner struggle will continue forever...but no matter what, I will always remember how she made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. 

Obviously depression runs in my family.  My mom's dad committed suicide, my mom committed suicide, and I have attempted to commit suicide....twice.  You would think that after seeing how what my own mother did that I would not be so selfish, and I would not want to do the same thing to the people that care about me.  I've turned this thought over in my mind so many times that I can't even being to count them.  I've spent a bit of time in a mental health facility (that was no vacation), and I've been to numerous counselor/psychiatrist types.  What did I learn from all of this?  Pretty much nothing.  I seem to always get really pissed off at these "experts" and generally don't see them more than a handful of times.  I've had doctors tell me everything from, "it's your mom's fault" to "you wouldn't have these issues if you weren't gay".  My response?  "Ok, you fucking jackass, I have a question for you now.  How many straight patients do you see daily?  Because obviously straight people are the picture of mental health".  But I digress.

Back to my mom.  Do I think that I am the way I am because of my mom?  Hell, I don't know.  Do I blame my mom?  Nope.  I am an adult, I am reasonably intelligent, and I am completely capable of making my own decisions.  The choices I have made are my own.  In a previous post I talked about a worry angel that I received while I was in the hospital.  That particular trip to the ER was the direct result of me taking a couple of bottles of tylenol...I seriously don't know how my liver pulled through that one.  In that post I said that it reminded me to be the heroine of my story, and not the victim.  My mom allowed herself to be the victim of her story...and that is the ultimate tragedy.

I Am Cheating On K-Stew With E-Shue

So, remember the other day when I said that living at the lake was going to be ridiculously fucking awesome?  I was right.  This weekend was insane.  We had soooooo much fun.  There were a few mishaps...but all in all we had a good time.

Friday night it was just me and Sandy hanging out.  We headed downstairs to the play room and shot several games of pool...and took several shots...then we watched Steel Magnolias until the sad part then we changed the channel.  Neither of us wanted to cry.  Unfortunately for me I managed to find the last shard of glass from the broken margarita machine, and got it lodged in my foot.  Sandy is an excellent nurse, she dug it out and bandaged me up...after that mishap we decided it was time for bed.  That night was relatively low-key by our standards.

Saturday morning we woke up pretty early.  Probably too early, because by 9:30 that morning we started drinking.  Smart idea?  Maybe not.  Several members of Sandy's family came over Saturday afternoon...we grilled some food, hung out on the dock where Sandy got a splinter stuck in her foot, took a boat ride, drank a little, played some pool, and just had a nice time.  Around 8pm Sandy, her mom, and her sister decided that they NEEDED to go get tattoos.  I have managed to lose my ID, so Aunt Alicia got to spend a few quality hours with all the children.  So that means it was me against 5 kids...I had two of Bradley and Sandy's, two of Sandy's sister, and one of Sandy's sister's boyfriend.  I seriously had an Adventures In Babysitting moment...I was also totally reminded of my crush on Elizabeth Shue.  At a few points in the evening I wanted to shout, "Don't fuck with the babysitter"....but I refrained.  I let the kids run around like maniacs for awhile and then convinced them all that it would be a really good idea to go to bed.  I honestly can't believe they minded me...I still haven't perfected my "mommy voice", and they have a tendency to not listen to a damn thing I say.  I really was thrilled that I didn't have to fight them too much at bedtime.  The adults all got back and we decided it would be a great idea to have a bonfire.  We ran out of wood, so we got a bit creative about what we burned.  *sorry about your flip flops Bradley...we aren't sorry about that ugly ass rug though*  At this point I was exhausted so I totally crashed.

Sunday I woke up to maniac children yelling and jumping all over me.  Fabulous!  I stumbled upstairs and had some breakfast and then collapsed on the couch...Sandy and Bradley went to take a nap.  Sandy's sister looked at me at one point and asked me, "do you hear water running?".  I did not hear water running.  About five minutes later she said, "no really I hear water running".  As lazy as I was feeling I decided I should probably get up to investigate.  I walked to the bathroom by the boys room, and found the problem.  Little Max had several diapers stuffed in the toilet and had tried to flush them.  Awesome!  The whole room was flooded.  That was a bitch to clean up.  I'm still trying to figure out how he got the diapers off the changing table...he is not that tall.  Kids are creative I suppose....I am learning that if you look away for two minutes they will be into something.  Sunday evening  Mason walked out on the upper deck where I was smoking and just looked at me and said he had to tee-tee.  He always tells one of us before he goes to the bathroom....so I said, "ok go in there and tee-tee".  At this point he pulls his swim trunks down and proceeds to urinate on the deck.  Unfortunately the guys were pulling our dinner off the grill....which is on the lower deck.  Thanks for the marinade kiddo.

HEEEEEY YOOOOOOOU GUYYYYYYYYYYS

Ok, so my title has nothing to do with my actual blog post....but I did watch The Goonies this weekend.  Wow, 20 whole days since my last post...lots and lots has happened.  Some of it I don't recall, I thank my sister in law and our best friend alcohol for that.  But here's what I do know:

• I still haven't completely unpacked...and I've been here over a month.  Pretty awesome huh?  I really love digging through boxes to find my stuff.  It makes my daily life a bit more challenging...and who doesn't like a good challenge?

• Not being unpacked is a really good thing right now because I'm moving again.  Not a crazy move this time...we're getting a house at the lake.

• I killed my beloved BlackBerry.  Not intentionally, but it is officially dead.  I have to say it put up a hell of a fight.  RIP dear phone,  miss you...my new BlackBerry sucks.  My brother is trying to convince me to get an iPhone.  I'm actually considering it...which I never thought I would do.

• Getting a house at the lake is going to be completely fucking ridiculously amazing.

• Last Thursday my brother and I ditched work and went to the lake to see if we could find the house from the water.  We did.  It was the first time I had seen it...and I'm in love.  Also, while we were on the lake Mother Nature remembered that she hates me, so there was a torrential downpour and it got really freakin' cold.  We had to take cover under a bridge.  But at least I didn't catch pneumonia.  Take that Mother Whore Nature.

• My brother's daughter spent the weekend with us.  We had some arts & crafts/cooking time and produced some pretty kickass Easter stuff.  I have the best nieces and nephews on the planet.  If I were a better aunt I would probably have pics to post....but at least they are on Facebook.

It Makes Me Smile

This is going to be a slightly different version of the "It Makes Me Smile" series...before I talked about a physical possession...today I want to talk about my nephew.  Those of you who really know me, know that my nephew, Max, has a rare genetic disorder.  And when I say rare, I mean there have only been just over 30 confirmed cases.  He has a Carnitine-acylcarnitine translocase (CACT) deficiency.  He also has epileptic seizures, staph, and well the poor baby is just sick all the damn time.  Two days ago my sister in law and I were out and about with little Max, we were eating at On The Border and he had a seizure.  That was my first time witnessing one of his seizures...and it scared the hell out of me.  What really amazes me is that he is one of the happiest, most loving babies I've ever been around in my life.  I can't imagine how scary and painful everything he's going through is...and as a toddler you know he can't possibly understand what's going on with his little body.  But he's an inspiration to me...I mean he can still put a smile on that cute little face and cuddle and play and act "normal",  kinda makes me feel bad for all the bitching and whining and complaining that I do.  Maybe I should evalute my life and my attitude a little bit and be thankful that I'm healthy and try to keep a smile on my face to match his.

Over The River And Through The Woods

I had a pretty nontraditional Thanksgiving this year.  I'm accustomed to being either at my family's or whoever I happen to be dating's family or with Munky's family.  This year I was at home alone, and ate some crockpot chili (which was excellent by the way...I would give out a recipe but I don't think me throwing random shit in the crockpot constitutes a recipe).  So, I know that probably sounds kind of sad...and in a way I did miss the whole Thanksgiving thing...but really it was ok.  I got some reading done, I watched a few movies that Adam thinks are "stupid", caught up on laundry, cleaned the house a bit, watched some of the random stuff that has been sitting on the DVR waiting patiently to be viewed, and I played some Wii.  So all in all I had a good day.  Friday evening my grandma called me, the conversation went something like this:

Me:  hello?

Grandma:  sissy? (don't laugh she's called me that all my life)

Me:  hey big dog (you can laugh at that)

Grandma:  so why didn't you come to Thanksgiving little pup (yeah, she's awesome like that)

Me:  umm, I technically wasn't invited and didn't know where ya'll were getting together

Grandma:  aww fiddlesticks you know you don't need an invitation

Me:  so where did ya'll do Thanksgiving?

Grandma:  oh, we all just went out to eat

*so I'm wondering at this point if my grandma thinks I'm psychic and I was just going to magically show up at said restaurant with no invitation
**then the conversation was just normal catching up stuff, so we're going to skip ahead

Grandma:  did you go shopping today, it's Black Friday ya know

Me:  I wanted to go buy a sewing machine, but after thinking about it I decided I didn't want to fight the crowds.  You know I hate shopping.

Grandma:  I didn't go either.  But if you want a sewing machine you can have your mama's, I have it here.  Why don't you come up here and pick it up...I'll bet you'll be just like your mama, you can probably make anything you want on it.  (yep, she got me with promises of a sewing machine and the skillful use of my complete worship of my mom...my grandma is a sneaky one)

I really was trying to avoid the whole family thing this year (that's a long story), but I did end up going to see my grandma yesterday.  It was really nice to see her, I really should try to go visit more often.  Oh, but I still don't have a sewing machine...apparently my other grandma (in Georgia) actually has it.  I guess I'm going to have to go shopping after all.

Thanksgiving Resolution...Because Some Things Just Shouldn't Wait Until January

So it's that time of year again.  The time when we are all reminded to think about the things we are thankful for.  I've had a FML seriously bitter attitude lately...but when I really stop to think about things I am actually pretty damned lucky.  I may not necessarily see eye to eye with all (ok most) of my family members, but I do have some family that is absolutely amazing.  I may not be rich and live some extravagant life, but I make enough money to survive.  I may not get to see all of my close friends as frequently as I like, but I am fortunate to have pretty spectacular people in my life.  The heater in our house may not work right now, but I do have a roof over my head (and for all of my complaining, I do live in Texas so it isn't really that bad).

I could sit here and come up with a really long list of things that I bitch about on a regular basis, and then I could probably come up with a list more than twice as long of things I am grateful for.  I wonder what it says about me that I've just stopped to consider this right now, right before Thanksgiving?  I'm pretty sure I should start focusing on the more positive aspects of my existence, and attempt to be less selfish and whiny. 

Everyone has bad days, and I'm not going to try to kid myself and say that I'm always going to be a ray of sunshine...but I'm gonna try a bit harder.  That's my Thanksgiving Resolution.  Starting now, I'm giving my blogland buddies permission to (virtually) kick me in the ass whenever I start getting out of control with whining/complaining/bitching.  So there's something for you to look forward this holiday season.

Hope you all have a happy and safe Thanksgiving.

*ducky hugs*

I am going to try to avoid dating bottle rockets in the future

Who's been neglecting their blog?  I have!  I have! 
 
Yeah, so I'm in a really weird mood today.  Feeling kinda goofy...which is good because I've felt quite crappy most of the week.  Wow, I really haven't posted anything since before last weekend. 

I went to Freaker's Ball last Friday...which was amazingly great.  Ok, I won't lie the end of the evening gets pretty fuzzy for me...but still, I had a blast!  Yay for rock music, and yay for alcohol.
Saturday the pull of homecoming and the Duck Dash won over so I drove three and a half hours out of my way to go to those festivities.  Also had a fabulous time there. 
Sunday I had a lunch with an ex of mine.  That was really nice, and kinda sad.  After lunch I got to see my old roommate and some friends that I hadn't seen in forever.  I also was told, "you should stop dating straights, crazies, and bottle rockets".  Yeah, some of my friends smoke pot.  Then I had to start my drive back home...and almost cried.  I really hate driving...I am a much better passenger.

This week has been rather eventful as well...but not in the fun way.  Lately I have felt just completely run down and just blah...I would say this has been going on for like a month.  For the past two weeks I have been getting these random mystery bruises on my legs and feet.  Tuesday I finally talked myself into going to the doctor (I am really terrified of doctors).  My doctor was really cute baffled by my symptoms and ordered all sorts of blood work.  That was a fun adventure because apparently I have tiny veins and it took three nurses and a butterfly needle before they could extract enough blood from me.  This leads me to believe that I am not feeling well because I don't actually have any blood in my body.  The cute chick in the white coat doctor was amused but decided that my self diagnosis was unlikely.  *shrugs* 
The blood work came back yesterday and apparently none, that's right NONE, of my tests are normal.  So now I have to go to a hematologist.  GREAT, just what I wanted, I get to see another doctor.  Blah.

Also yesterday Mother Nature remembered that she hates me so she sent a horrible torrential downpour my way.  It took me three hours to drive the 47 miles from my office to my home...and you have to understand I live in the country, so 47 miles should take roughly 40 minutes and 52 seconds (unless of course you have to slow down to avoid deer, cows, or tractors).  I don't have to contend with traffic jams of the "normal" variety.  I arrive home to a frantic gay husband, who is trying desperately to keep water from flooding the downstairs of our home.  He did a pretty damn good job...I am soooo glad that the new flooring we put down over the summer didn't get ruined.  Our garage was not quite so lucky though.

I did get a nice surprise in the mail on Wednesday, my wonderful cousin (PsychoHoseBeast) sent me a book.  She's the bestest most goodest cousin in the world!  I can't wait to start reading it this weekend.

I am really hoping for a nice, peaceful, restful weekend.  I wish you all a safe and Happy Halloween!

Like a duck to water my ass

This post is long overdue...because I procrastinate and don't download pics from my camera in a timely fashion.  So, I'm rewinding and going to revisit the beginning of September.

Labor Day Weekend for me was spent with family that I haven't seen in way too long.  My younger brother, his wife, and two of their kiddos drove in from Georgia to spend the weekend.  My brother brought his boat with him (only my baby brother would think it was a good idea to haul a boat from Georgia to Texas), his wakeboards, and his "Little Precious" charm.  He convinced me, his "senior citizen" sister, to attempt wakeboarding.  I seriously can't say no him....cute little bastard.  Anyway, he seems to be good at everything he does and wakeboarding is no exception.  I had trouble timing the camera with his tricks, but I did manage to get a picture or two of him showing off...

My sister-in-law, who I was meeting for the first time, was completely awesome!  I had such a great time getting to know her and my nephews.  She is a hairstylist, and she was kind enough to give me a new 'do. As payment she forced me to ride on the tube thingy with her, and much to my delight I did not die.  Unfortunately nobody got a photo of that little adventure.  But here's a pic of my newest sister wakeboarding (she was thrilled I got a pic because this was the first time she had gotten up)...

Next it was my turn to attempt wakeboarding.  I didn't do so well...

I guess you can lead a duck to water, but you can't make it a pro wakeboarder.