I Needed A Kick In The Ass

Ok, forget the hiatus.  I had a phone conversation earlier that put things in perspective a bit.

Here's the back story.  Brooke is dating Jen again.  Oh yeah, she went back to the psycho.  I'm completely heart broken...blah blah blah.  BUT if I shut down, then I am letting her win.  And I will be fucking damned if I let her control my life.  I'll still be around, spewing my craziness (with a southern accent of course).  But no matter what, I am here...and I do matter.  Whether or not certain people recognize that appropriately, I'm not going away.

It seemed easier to hide in a hole, or drink myself into a stupor, but I'm not really one to just roll over and let life just happen to me.  I had two days of self pity, and I'm over it.  So screw you Jen and your manipulative ways, screw you "depressed me" that didn't want to get out of bed, and screw you cable for not having anything on that I want to watch right now.  But thank you Blogger for introducing me to some really amazing people. 

And Brooke, if you ever happen across this page I hope you know what you gave up yesterday.  I know that probably sounds angry and cocky.  But that's what I feel.  And what's the point of a blog if you're going to sugarcoat shit?



Welcome to the flip side.

Holy Wow

Good:
I would like to take a moment to announce to world that I have the best cousin EVER.  Cousin It just informed me that she bought me a gift that will be shipped to Georgia shortly.  I'm quite certain that another "It Makes Me Smile" post will be popping up real soon.

Bad (possibly):
Brooke is still being weird.  I'm hoping that her being distant is just an effort on her part to assess her life and her wants and needs.  I kinda freaked out yesterday...but I'm trying to be more positive today.  Unfortunately, patience is not a virtue that I was blessed with.

Ugly:

The employee that got in an accident last week somehow managed to rear end someone last night.  The company trucks/trailers are dropping like flies.  I am not a fan of dealing with insurance companies...they pretty much suck.

So, tonight I'm sure I will be drinking...heavily.  But really, how's that different than any other day? ;)

That Isn't A Pot O' Gold At The End Of My Rainbow

So, remember how I told you that Brooke's ex, Jen, was probably plotting to kill me?  Well, that might be partially inaccurate.  In a very interesting phone conversation I had with Jen recently, she told me that she hoped I was run over by a car...she later changed that to wishing me a slow painful death via cancer.  I can't imagine why Brooke would ever break things off with this lovely individual.  What is more baffling is that Brooke ever broke up with me to date this person...and I use the term person very loosely here.  I actually think she might be Satan, cleverly disguised as a lesbian.

In other news, when I arrived at the office this morning I had a message from an employee who informed me that the transmission went out in the company truck he was driving.  He then explained that he purchased some transmission fluid because the levels were low and that it seemed to be running fine.  Then he called back to tell me that while he was still on the side of the highway a semi truck hit the trailer that was attached to the truck he was in.  Seriously, did I sleep through like 4 days?  Is it really Monday?  Am I being Punk'd?

And people wonder why I drink.

Random Ramblings

It's now official, the crappy replacement BlackBerry is dead.  For real this time.  Three phones in two months is a record for me.  I'm sure AT&T loves the hell out of me though.  You're welcome Mr. Randall L. Stephenson...yes, I am dorky enough to Google the president of AT&T.

I had a slight brush with fame yesterday.  There was a country music singer at our house partying and hanging out on the boat.  I am going to refrain from mentioning his name because honestly I had never heard of him before...and I couldn't tell you the name of a single one of his songs.  So I would be name dropping just for the sake of name dropping.  BUT if Alec Baldwin, George Clooney, or Kristen Stewart ever show up on the lake I am taking hundreds of pics and passing phone numbers to them...ahem.

Speaking of country music singers, Chely Wright came out this week.  And holy wow, I was shocked.  This quote:  “I had a partner for 12 years and we only told two people in the entire time we were a couple. I wasn’t just in the closet, I was behind the sheetrock in the closet. I didn’t even tell my best friend. I didn’t tell anyone, because the minute you do, they have to lie for you.”  and this one:  “Can you imagine being someone’s partner and having to be a secret? You know, it’s really hard, it’s incredibly painful. And this was the love of my life, and to this day I struggle. I mean, I lost her because of it. I realized I had painted myself into a corner. I had amassed relative wealth and success and fame and I was doing everything I ever said I wanted to do and I realized [after the breakup] that none of it matters. I realized I would rather work in a grocery store bagging groceries and live in a crappy little apartment with my partner. I would rather have love in my life than any of this—and I lost it all.”  broke my heart.  You can read the complete article from Curve magazine here.  After reading that article you should hop over to People and read this one.  I find this tid bit about John Rich especially enlightening...The pressure had been building, she said, ever since John Rich of country-music duo Big & Rich asked her if she was gay – the first time she'd ever been asked directly after years of avoiding the issue.  She recalls: "John finally asked me point blank: 'You're not gay. If you are, people won't have it. It's sick, it's deviant, it's unacceptable to country-music fans.' And he said, 'You're not, are you?' And I lied. And I knew that I had gone from not talking about it to being a liar."  
I have A LOT to say about all of this, but honestly I think at this point it would exhaust me, and I'm just not up to it.  Maybe I'll dedicate an entry to this subject in the future.  All I will say is that I think she is lovely and talented and I wish her the very best.

On a totally unrelated note I would like to express my new love for hulu.  I missed Glee on Tuesday night AND didn't have the DVR set...but thanks to hulu I was still able to watch the episode.  I freakin' love the internet. 

And just as an update from my last post, I am still talking to Brooke.  I am enjoying the hell out of reconnecting with her.  I have smiled a lot this past month.  Which reminds me, I bought her a Mother's Day card and I'm not sure if that's lame or sweet.  So I need opinions...should I mail it or not?

*ducky hugs*

This Merry-Go Round Is Making Me Kinda Dizzy

I think I might possibly be the worst blogger ever.  No really EVER.  I really really really am going to try to do better.  I promise.  Also, I'm way behind on reading all the blogs I follow...and I'm way behind on answering emails.  Seriously, I'm not ignoring you.

Ok, so here's what's going on in my world.  This is not meant to be an excuse, but I have been really preoccupied.

On the 17th of this month I received a message on my MySpace Truth Box app from someone that I literally never thought I would ever hear from again.  I didn't get the message until the 21st because honestly I only randomly log onto MySpace when I'm extremely bored and have absolutely nothing else to do.  Anyway, I was shocked to get this message...it basically just had a phone number and it said "I think you should call me", and was signed "former member of the dorky ducky club" (that's a story for another day).

It all begin in the winter of 2004...I met this woman online, we'll call her Brooke.  We chatted online for awhile, exchanged emails, and eventually started talking on the phone.  I will not lie to you, I was completely head over heels for her.  Yeah, I know...you're thinking that's pretty dumb.  Well, I've never claimed to be smart when it comes to women.  So anyway, after we had been talking for awhile we decided that we should meet.  We didn't live anywhere near each other....I was in Texas and she was in Michigan.  I believe it was late January/early February when we first started planning this trip.  I worked for a university in TX at the time and Spring Break was going to be the first available opportunity for me to travel.  So it was set, things were great, I was giddy.  We continued chatting back and forth, and we would send each other cards and packages and whatnot.  My friends were sickened by the cuteness of it all.  On February 15th she totally dropped a bomb on me.  A friend of hers, Jen, showed up at her house the previous night...Valentine's Day...with a bouquet of flowers and expressed her undying love.  Brooke calls me and tells me that maybe a long distance relationship isn't what she up for, and it's probably smarter to pursue things with the local girl.

I was crushed.  Also Brooke was not allowed to talk to me anymore because the new girl felt threatened by me.  Awesome.

Fast forward to October 15, 2006.  I got a call from Brooke...she informed me that she and Jen had broken up the previous night.  This is really odd because I had also broken things off with my girlfriend the previous evening.  Weird huh?  I saw this as a sign.  We were just meant to be.  Who woulda thought that I am a hopeless romantic?  Anyway, we talked back and forth.  I flew out to Michigan...she flew into Denver.  All was well and good, and I was ecstatic.  Then in February Brooke informed me that she had been talking to Jen, and she was breaking up with me to see if she could make things work with her.

I was crushed.  This time Brooke promised that we would keep in touch because she didn't want to lose my friendship.  That didn't happen.  Jen hates me...I know this is hard to believe seeing as how I'm so lovable and all....but the chick literally hates me.

So now Brooke and Jen have broken up again.  Brooke is calling me again.  Brooke would like to come to Georgia to visit.  Jen is probably currently plotting on ways to kill me.

I really don't know what to do.  I'm not so blind that I can't see the pattern here.  But for me Brooke was always the one who got away...twice.  Part of me is so excited that I'm back in contact with her, and part of me is terrified that in a few months she's going to go back to Jen, and I'm going to be left to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart.  My sister in law thinks I'm crazy...actually I think her exact words were, "Are you fucking stupid?".  Stupid or not, I love this woman and if there's even a remote possibility that we can make things work then I'm going for it.