Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Holy Wow

I would like to take a moment to announce to world that I have the best cousin EVER.  Cousin It just informed me that she bought me a gift that will be shipped to Georgia shortly.  I'm quite certain that another "It Makes Me Smile" post will be popping up real soon.

Bad (possibly):
Brooke is still being weird.  I'm hoping that her being distant is just an effort on her part to assess her life and her wants and needs.  I kinda freaked out yesterday...but I'm trying to be more positive today.  Unfortunately, patience is not a virtue that I was blessed with.

The employee that got in an accident last week somehow managed to rear end someone last night.  The company trucks/trailers are dropping like flies.  I am not a fan of dealing with insurance companies...they pretty much suck.

So, tonight I'm sure I will be drinking...heavily.  But really, how's that different than any other day? ;)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

It Makes Me Smile

I have one piece of jewelry that I never remove.  Ever.  It's this necklace....a Celtic Union pendant.  According to the nifty little paper that came with it, it symbolizes two individuals that overcome all obstacles to find each other.  I purchased two of these necklaces two years ago.  For those of you who have been paying attention that directly coincides with the time that Brooke and I first got back together.  Jen has long since threw Brooke's necklace away...but for some reason I can't bear to take mine off.  Seriously, it's been off for probably a total of two days since I got it...and that was due to my niece breaking the chain.  As I sit here typing, I'm trying to figure out if I'm being optimistic....or pathetic.  But either way the necklace makes me smile.  It reminds me of a happy time in my life.  And if that little paper was correct, just maybe, one day all of these crazy obstacles will be behind me us.  So for now I am going to continue to wear this pendant close to my heart and hope like hell that it's love, faith, and optimism rather than stupidity that's driving me.

Yo, VIP, Let's Kick It

Damn you Will Schuester!  This song has been stuck in my head since last Tuesday...can't wait to see which one it's replaced with tonight.

And since it is Glee night, I think I'll have a Glee-themed pretend girlfriend today.  Hellooooo Cheerio ;)

Have I mentioned that I love Glee?  Yes?  Ok, just checking. 

On a somewhat related note, I think I'm just going to stick with my pretend girlfriends from here on out.  I don't seem to have much luck with the real ones.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Speaking of Pretend Girlfriends....

I just received a text message that included a picture of this magazine cover:

I wonder what it says about me when my sister in law feels the need to text me "news" like this?  Also, I wonder if it's mine? 

Basketball is Basketball

This WNBA promo made me incredibly happy. I've been waiting to see marketing like this for the women's game for roughly eleven years now.  Also, any opportunity I have to see my pretend girlfriend, Becky Hammon, makes me giddy.

In related news, I just realized that I have a lot of pretend girlfriends. 

Friday, May 14, 2010

That Isn't A Pot O' Gold At The End Of My Rainbow

So, remember how I told you that Brooke's ex, Jen, was probably plotting to kill me?  Well, that might be partially inaccurate.  In a very interesting phone conversation I had with Jen recently, she told me that she hoped I was run over by a car...she later changed that to wishing me a slow painful death via cancer.  I can't imagine why Brooke would ever break things off with this lovely individual.  What is more baffling is that Brooke ever broke up with me to date this person...and I use the term person very loosely here.  I actually think she might be Satan, cleverly disguised as a lesbian.

In other news, when I arrived at the office this morning I had a message from an employee who informed me that the transmission went out in the company truck he was driving.  He then explained that he purchased some transmission fluid because the levels were low and that it seemed to be running fine.  Then he called back to tell me that while he was still on the side of the highway a semi truck hit the trailer that was attached to the truck he was in.  Seriously, did I sleep through like 4 days?  Is it really Monday?  Am I being Punk'd?

And people wonder why I drink.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

My Thoughts On Mother's Day

This is a post that I've been meaning to write for quite awhile now...but I was afraid to.  Seeing as how this past Sunday was Mother's Day I thought it was a good time.

Today I'm going to talk a little about my mom.  I don't know a whole lot about my mom's childhood, I don't really know her parents that well, and honestly if most of her siblings walked into my office and slapped me right now I wouldn't recognize them.  I have about a decade worth of memories of my mom, a handful of stories that others have shared with me, and a few pictures.  In other words this post may not be the most historically accurate...but historical accuracy isn't really the point today.

When I was a kid I absolutely adored and idolized my mom.  She was such an amazing woman, I know I'll never possess the words to accurately describe her.  I can remember wanting to be just like her.  I always wanted to be right where she was...I probably annoyed the piss out of her following her around the way I did.  But to know my mom was to love her.  She was such a beautiful person, inside and out.  She was smart, funny, talented, outgoing, and basically the complete opposite of me.  She could walk into a room full of strangers and walk out with a whole new circle of friends.  I have never been like that, I am generally pretty shy unless I feel really comfortable with people.  It takes me awhile to trust people enough to open up and let them in.  She was also very crafty.  I think maybe this is one reason why I want to learn to sew so badly.  Maybe part of me wants to feel like I was like her in at least some small way.  Because let's face it, I will never have the style thing down...I do good to get out of the house with an outfit that even matches.

When I think about her I recall her always laughing and happy.  This is probably where my historical accuracy is way off kilter because my mom committed suicide when I was a kid.  I've spent a lot of time being angry with her, and I've spent a lot of time defending her.  I have days that I get so mad that I could cry...and I have days that I am overjoyed to have had the short amount of time with her that I did get.  I suppose this inner struggle will continue forever...but no matter what, I will always remember how she made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. 

Obviously depression runs in my family.  My mom's dad committed suicide, my mom committed suicide, and I have attempted to commit suicide....twice.  You would think that after seeing how what my own mother did that I would not be so selfish, and I would not want to do the same thing to the people that care about me.  I've turned this thought over in my mind so many times that I can't even being to count them.  I've spent a bit of time in a mental health facility (that was no vacation), and I've been to numerous counselor/psychiatrist types.  What did I learn from all of this?  Pretty much nothing.  I seem to always get really pissed off at these "experts" and generally don't see them more than a handful of times.  I've had doctors tell me everything from, "it's your mom's fault" to "you wouldn't have these issues if you weren't gay".  My response?  "Ok, you fucking jackass, I have a question for you now.  How many straight patients do you see daily?  Because obviously straight people are the picture of mental health".  But I digress.

Back to my mom.  Do I think that I am the way I am because of my mom?  Hell, I don't know.  Do I blame my mom?  Nope.  I am an adult, I am reasonably intelligent, and I am completely capable of making my own decisions.  The choices I have made are my own.  In a previous post I talked about a worry angel that I received while I was in the hospital.  That particular trip to the ER was the direct result of me taking a couple of bottles of tylenol...I seriously don't know how my liver pulled through that one.  In that post I said that it reminded me to be the heroine of my story, and not the victim.  My mom allowed herself to be the victim of her story...and that is the ultimate tragedy.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Random Ramblings

It's now official, the crappy replacement BlackBerry is dead.  For real this time.  Three phones in two months is a record for me.  I'm sure AT&T loves the hell out of me though.  You're welcome Mr. Randall L. Stephenson...yes, I am dorky enough to Google the president of AT&T.

I had a slight brush with fame yesterday.  There was a country music singer at our house partying and hanging out on the boat.  I am going to refrain from mentioning his name because honestly I had never heard of him before...and I couldn't tell you the name of a single one of his songs.  So I would be name dropping just for the sake of name dropping.  BUT if Alec Baldwin, George Clooney, or Kristen Stewart ever show up on the lake I am taking hundreds of pics and passing phone numbers to them...ahem.

Speaking of country music singers, Chely Wright came out this week.  And holy wow, I was shocked.  This quote:  “I had a partner for 12 years and we only told two people in the entire time we were a couple. I wasn’t just in the closet, I was behind the sheetrock in the closet. I didn’t even tell my best friend. I didn’t tell anyone, because the minute you do, they have to lie for you.”  and this one:  “Can you imagine being someone’s partner and having to be a secret? You know, it’s really hard, it’s incredibly painful. And this was the love of my life, and to this day I struggle. I mean, I lost her because of it. I realized I had painted myself into a corner. I had amassed relative wealth and success and fame and I was doing everything I ever said I wanted to do and I realized [after the breakup] that none of it matters. I realized I would rather work in a grocery store bagging groceries and live in a crappy little apartment with my partner. I would rather have love in my life than any of this—and I lost it all.”  broke my heart.  You can read the complete article from Curve magazine here.  After reading that article you should hop over to People and read this one.  I find this tid bit about John Rich especially enlightening...The pressure had been building, she said, ever since John Rich of country-music duo Big & Rich asked her if she was gay – the first time she'd ever been asked directly after years of avoiding the issue.  She recalls: "John finally asked me point blank: 'You're not gay. If you are, people won't have it. It's sick, it's deviant, it's unacceptable to country-music fans.' And he said, 'You're not, are you?' And I lied. And I knew that I had gone from not talking about it to being a liar."  
I have A LOT to say about all of this, but honestly I think at this point it would exhaust me, and I'm just not up to it.  Maybe I'll dedicate an entry to this subject in the future.  All I will say is that I think she is lovely and talented and I wish her the very best.

On a totally unrelated note I would like to express my new love for hulu.  I missed Glee on Tuesday night AND didn't have the DVR set...but thanks to hulu I was still able to watch the episode.  I freakin' love the internet. 

And just as an update from my last post, I am still talking to Brooke.  I am enjoying the hell out of reconnecting with her.  I have smiled a lot this past month.  Which reminds me, I bought her a Mother's Day card and I'm not sure if that's lame or sweet.  So I need opinions...should I mail it or not?

*ducky hugs*