Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Thank You

I would like to be remembered as a person who wanted to be free... so other people would be also free.

I just wanted to show my appreciation for the mother of the civil rights movement for her strength, persistence and courage on that historic day in 1955.

*ducky hugs for Rosa Parks*

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Holiday Ramblings

I think I've finally recovered from my turkey hangover.  Actually now that I think about it, I really didn't eat that much turkey.  However, I did manage to eat A LOT of just about everything else.  My brother literally asked me how I eat and consume alcoholic beverages the way I do and still manage to not weight 982 lbs.  I'm pretty baffled by this as well...thank goodness for fast metabolisms I suppose.  The following pic was actually taken the day before Thanksgiving, but it is evidence of my alcohol consumption level.

And there you have it kids, the first official picture of me on the blog.  Drinking a big ass beer in a Mexican restaurant...probably not the most flattering pic, but it's a pretty good representation of me.

I had intended on writing a post yesterday, but immediately after coming into the office I realized that being off work for 4.5 days (yeah we bailed early on Wednesday) is both a blessing and a curse.  Much to my dismay a little office fairy did not swing by and do all my work in my absence.  I think I have everything caught back up now...I also thought that about 2 hours ago before finding out I was grossly mistaken. 

I had a really nice Thanksgiving.  We hosted, and our guests consisted of mostly Sandy's (sister in law) family....but my stepdad was able to make it out for a visit, which was super awesome.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I am domestically challenged.  And I mean REALLY challenged.  I was crazy stressed about helping with the food prep, but everything turned out beautifully. 

The real trauma of the weekend happened when I was helping Sandy put up the Christmas tree.  She is the biggest freakin' tree Nazi that I have ever encountered in my life.  Seriously.  About half way through I pretty much pretended to help and mostly just drank this vodka filled slush drink we concocted.

We Sandy somehow managed to spill hers at one point.  And they say I'm the klutzy one!  Ok, it's true I am klutzy, but I didn't spill my drink.  Also, after looking closer at this pic I see where my missing chapstick is.

I think the finished tree turned out quite beautifully.  Hat tip to my favorite Christmas Tree Nazi!

Also, in my opinion I managed to snap the most adorable photo EVER of my nephews.

I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Decisions, Decisions

Honestly I've been to my blog several times over the past few weeks, and I have thought about posting something.  Obviously that hasn't happened.  I really don't even know if anyone checks this damn thing anymore.  I have been considering shutting this blog down and starting over....or just drastically changing this one.  I'm kinda tired of the anonymous blog and changing names and being secretive and all that jazz.  I've been considering starting a new blog as the "real" me. 
At first I really had to post anonymously due to my job...but now that is no longer an issue.  I was also concerned about my family and the fact that they, or their friends, could possibly stumble onto here and read about some of the crazy shit that I do.  I suppose I have grown weary of feeling like I have to hide things.  I resent this blog now.

So yeah, there's my dilemma.

Friday, July 2, 2010

A month, really?  I didn't realize it had been that long since I posted something.  Lots and lots has been going on. 

Let's see, I got married.  Not for real married, just pretend married.  On a drunken evening she told me that she really liked one of my rings, so apparently I proposed marriage and gave her the ring.  I had just met her three hours earlier, and she's straight.  But let me tell ya, my wifey is smokin' hot.  Also, I have acquired a new girlfriend.  A for real girlfriend, not a pretend one.  She is super great and my family/friends adore her.  Odd thing here:  my wifey and my girlfriend are really good friends.  Fun times at the lake.

Also, I was at the midnight premier of Eclipse.  LOVED it.  If you haven't seen it yet, wtf is wrong with you? ;)  And if you happen to have a bar near you called Dos Copas...ok, really your favorite neighborhood bar will do...I highly recommend meeting friends there beforehand and having lots of fun, taking goofy pics, and a few drinks beforehand.  Just don't forget to use the restroom prior to the movie starting.  I'm full of helpful tips.
I wanted to catch up on some blog reading/commenting/emailing this weekend...but since it's a holiday I'm not even going to pretend that this will actually happen.  I'm going to work on getting caught up with all my bloggy friends lives starting Monday.  I hope you are all doing well.

*ducky hugs*

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

This Has Gotten Out Of Hand

So, I've been eating/drinking pretty consistently crappily (is that even a word?) since, well, forever...and lately I've been on a serious brain junk-food overload as well. It started out slow and all innocent, just reading a few mysteries, and watching a few reality shows. But my brain is all bloated and lazy and mushy now, I don't want to pick up a "real" novel that has heft, substance, or heaven forbid complex sentence structure. So, instead, I've spent the last couple of months playing. Horrible TV and alcohol binges for the most part, though I threw in some mindless gossip rags and several games of pool for good measure. That certainly has my brain functioning at peak form.

Now I think it might be time for me to get back to my Day Zero Project.  I checked on my progress, and my list is now 15% completed....better than the 9% I last reported, but still really damn embarrassing.  I need to feel like a somewhat productive member of society again.  And trust me, I've tried to convince myself that partying = productivity...but even drunk me didn't believe that load of crap.  I've been searching for songs/videos to keep me motivated during my latest endeavor.  The following video will be my inspiration...

aww, come on...I haven't said anything about my favorite pretend girlfriend in at least a five or six days, and the song does say "work" in it ;)

*also, please note that I somehow made this video fit in the appropriate amount of space.  I'm not exactly sure how I did that...but I'm still proud of myself.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Life Swap

I love Sandra Bullock acceptance speeches.  At the MTV Movie Awards she was presented with the Generations Award.  During her speech she said she wanted Betty White's life.  Well, Sandra, after seeing you kiss Meryl Streep and now this...

...I want your life.  Well except the whole lying, cheating, scumbag husband part.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

I Needed A Kick In The Ass

Ok, forget the hiatus.  I had a phone conversation earlier that put things in perspective a bit.

Here's the back story.  Brooke is dating Jen again.  Oh yeah, she went back to the psycho.  I'm completely heart broken...blah blah blah.  BUT if I shut down, then I am letting her win.  And I will be fucking damned if I let her control my life.  I'll still be around, spewing my craziness (with a southern accent of course).  But no matter what, I am here...and I do matter.  Whether or not certain people recognize that appropriately, I'm not going away.

It seemed easier to hide in a hole, or drink myself into a stupor, but I'm not really one to just roll over and let life just happen to me.  I had two days of self pity, and I'm over it.  So screw you Jen and your manipulative ways, screw you "depressed me" that didn't want to get out of bed, and screw you cable for not having anything on that I want to watch right now.  But thank you Blogger for introducing me to some really amazing people. 

And Brooke, if you ever happen across this page I hope you know what you gave up yesterday.  I know that probably sounds angry and cocky.  But that's what I feel.  And what's the point of a blog if you're going to sugarcoat shit?

Welcome to the flip side.

Saturday, June 5, 2010


Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm going to be taking a break from the blog for awhile.  I don't feel like I have anything to left to share or offer at the moment.  I have to work through a few things, then I might be back around.

I'll see ya on the flip side.

*ducky out*

Thursday, June 3, 2010

More Theories, Less Work

After wasting dedicating a bit of time earlier today to my theories on my pretend girlfriend being a closet case, I scoured the internet to find something else to occupy my time.  Because, you know, work just wasn't entertaining enough. 

I found this article on Daniel Baldwin.  I am now convinced that Alec has convinced Daniel to move to Oregon so that he can visit and accidentally bump into Tammie.  I'm also pretty sure I should start applying for jobs as a soap opera writer.

*side note:  I spent way too much time looking for a picture of Alec & Daniel together before giving up and going with this one...obviously I need to work on my Google skills.

Next, I decided that my blog needed a little fixing up.  I wanted to change my header, so I played around with that for no avail.  I really am not very tech savvy, and couldn't produce anything that was even remotely in the realm of being something that I would put on my blog.  And I put some really dumb shit on my use your imagination, multiply that by about 673 and you'll have a general idea of how craptastic it was.  I settled for relabeling all of my past posts.  I am not saying they are labeled well, nor am I saying that I labeled all of them...but I gave it a valiant effort.

Oh look, it's 4:57 that gives me just enough time to shut my computer down and go smoke a cigarette before heading home.

*ducky hugs*

No Need To Panic

Well well well...looks like my little K-Stew is getting some advice from former co-star Jodie Foster.  According to the article in People magazine Jodie told Kristen, "You know, you could learn a thing or two from me".  In my version of reality, this means that she's gonna show her the way out of the closet....and then she's going to introduce her to me.

exhibit a:
This is where Jodie is obviously arguing the merits of just being yourself.

exhibit b:
Kristen sees the wisdom of Jodie's words...which makes Jodie, and me, happy.

exhibit c:

And the most compelling evidence I have...Jodie huddled in a closet (ok, panic room) with Kristen circa 2002.

This either makes me a genius, or completely delusional...either way I was entertained for a good chunk of time when I was supposed to be working.

*hat tip to Peggy for sending me the link to the article

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A Little Of This, A Little Of That

Hmm maybe I jinxed 'em.  The Seattle Storm handed the Dream their first loss of the season last night.  Sorry 'bout that Shalee...but really Sue Bird has been my pretend girlfriend for much longer. 

Also, I would just like to state that Jane Lynch aka Sue Sylvester cracks me up.  Here's a quote from last night's episode:  "You know, for me trophies are like herpes. You can try to get rid of them but they just keep coming. Sue Sylvester has hourly flair ups of burning itchy highly contagious talent."  I'm a bit saddened that next week is the season finale of Glee.  Thank goodness for basketball season.

On a more personal note, I can barely move today.  I only thought I was sore yesterday.  Sooooo, I either need attempt wakeboarding more frequently....or just stop.  Intermittently wakeboarding getting dragged behind a boat while a wakeboard is strapped to my feet, is not a good idea obviously.  I have sore muscles in places that I didn't know I had muscles.

My nephew isn't having a good day today.  I think the little munchkin is pretty sore too.  Apparently he was all hopped up on his pain medication last night and thought it would be a good idea to get out of bed and run around the house like a maniac.  It's really difficult to explain the benefits of resting and being still while recovering to a 3 yr old.  He is also very upset that he hasn't gotten to go on the boat/swim in "foreber"...the effects that lake germs have on gaping wounds also make no sense to him. 

This song is currently stuck in my head.  Thank you Doria Roberts for being freakin' awesome...

If this song gets stuck in your head, you're welcome....unless you hate it, and then I have to question your musical taste and/or sanity, but I still won't be sorry ;)

*waddle waddle, quack quack*

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Dream A Little Dream Of Me

I love, love, love (did I mention love?) long weekends.  Thank you Memorial Day for letting me drink myself into a stupor on Monday rather than having to work.  Fun times.  I attempted wakeboarding again, and obviously this is not the sport for me.  I suck on a monumental level...and I am pretty sore and bruised all over.  Awesome.  I'm still trying to convince myself that this is not because I'm getting younger brother is not helping matters though since he now refers to me as "the senior citizen".  He's so precious.

What was not so fun about the weekend?  My poor little nephew, Mason, had to have surgery.  He has MRSA which is basically a really fucking badass staph infection.  They sliced and diced his little leg almost to the bone to get all of the infection out.  I would post a pic, but in all honesty the cut made me gag a little bit, and I really don't want it on my blog for all eternity.  He is back home, resting and recovering.  I feel bad for the little guy...the docs said he doesn't need to walk until at least Thursday, and it's getting hard for the 3 year old to sit still. 

And now I will ramble about basketball for just a moment.  The Atlanta Dream is impressing the hell out of me this year...they are off to a 6-0 start this year.  The Dream are an expansion team that started in 2008...that year they only won 4, that's right 4, games.  Last year they improved to 18-16 which I thought was pretty incredible.  And this year they are the only undefeated team in the WNBA.  That being said the San Antonio Silver Stars and the Seattle Storm are still my favorite teams.  BUT I am glad that I finally live in the general vicinity of a WNBA team, maybe I'll get to catch a game or two this season.  Also, thank you Dream for providing me with my pretend girlfriend of the day....

Shalee Lehning

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Holy Wow

I would like to take a moment to announce to world that I have the best cousin EVER.  Cousin It just informed me that she bought me a gift that will be shipped to Georgia shortly.  I'm quite certain that another "It Makes Me Smile" post will be popping up real soon.

Bad (possibly):
Brooke is still being weird.  I'm hoping that her being distant is just an effort on her part to assess her life and her wants and needs.  I kinda freaked out yesterday...but I'm trying to be more positive today.  Unfortunately, patience is not a virtue that I was blessed with.

The employee that got in an accident last week somehow managed to rear end someone last night.  The company trucks/trailers are dropping like flies.  I am not a fan of dealing with insurance companies...they pretty much suck.

So, tonight I'm sure I will be drinking...heavily.  But really, how's that different than any other day? ;)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

It Makes Me Smile

I have one piece of jewelry that I never remove.  Ever.  It's this necklace....a Celtic Union pendant.  According to the nifty little paper that came with it, it symbolizes two individuals that overcome all obstacles to find each other.  I purchased two of these necklaces two years ago.  For those of you who have been paying attention that directly coincides with the time that Brooke and I first got back together.  Jen has long since threw Brooke's necklace away...but for some reason I can't bear to take mine off.  Seriously, it's been off for probably a total of two days since I got it...and that was due to my niece breaking the chain.  As I sit here typing, I'm trying to figure out if I'm being optimistic....or pathetic.  But either way the necklace makes me smile.  It reminds me of a happy time in my life.  And if that little paper was correct, just maybe, one day all of these crazy obstacles will be behind me us.  So for now I am going to continue to wear this pendant close to my heart and hope like hell that it's love, faith, and optimism rather than stupidity that's driving me.

Yo, VIP, Let's Kick It

Damn you Will Schuester!  This song has been stuck in my head since last Tuesday...can't wait to see which one it's replaced with tonight.

And since it is Glee night, I think I'll have a Glee-themed pretend girlfriend today.  Hellooooo Cheerio ;)

Have I mentioned that I love Glee?  Yes?  Ok, just checking. 

On a somewhat related note, I think I'm just going to stick with my pretend girlfriends from here on out.  I don't seem to have much luck with the real ones.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Speaking of Pretend Girlfriends....

I just received a text message that included a picture of this magazine cover:

I wonder what it says about me when my sister in law feels the need to text me "news" like this?  Also, I wonder if it's mine? 

Basketball is Basketball

This WNBA promo made me incredibly happy. I've been waiting to see marketing like this for the women's game for roughly eleven years now.  Also, any opportunity I have to see my pretend girlfriend, Becky Hammon, makes me giddy.

In related news, I just realized that I have a lot of pretend girlfriends. 

Friday, May 14, 2010

That Isn't A Pot O' Gold At The End Of My Rainbow

So, remember how I told you that Brooke's ex, Jen, was probably plotting to kill me?  Well, that might be partially inaccurate.  In a very interesting phone conversation I had with Jen recently, she told me that she hoped I was run over by a car...she later changed that to wishing me a slow painful death via cancer.  I can't imagine why Brooke would ever break things off with this lovely individual.  What is more baffling is that Brooke ever broke up with me to date this person...and I use the term person very loosely here.  I actually think she might be Satan, cleverly disguised as a lesbian.

In other news, when I arrived at the office this morning I had a message from an employee who informed me that the transmission went out in the company truck he was driving.  He then explained that he purchased some transmission fluid because the levels were low and that it seemed to be running fine.  Then he called back to tell me that while he was still on the side of the highway a semi truck hit the trailer that was attached to the truck he was in.  Seriously, did I sleep through like 4 days?  Is it really Monday?  Am I being Punk'd?

And people wonder why I drink.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

My Thoughts On Mother's Day

This is a post that I've been meaning to write for quite awhile now...but I was afraid to.  Seeing as how this past Sunday was Mother's Day I thought it was a good time.

Today I'm going to talk a little about my mom.  I don't know a whole lot about my mom's childhood, I don't really know her parents that well, and honestly if most of her siblings walked into my office and slapped me right now I wouldn't recognize them.  I have about a decade worth of memories of my mom, a handful of stories that others have shared with me, and a few pictures.  In other words this post may not be the most historically accurate...but historical accuracy isn't really the point today.

When I was a kid I absolutely adored and idolized my mom.  She was such an amazing woman, I know I'll never possess the words to accurately describe her.  I can remember wanting to be just like her.  I always wanted to be right where she was...I probably annoyed the piss out of her following her around the way I did.  But to know my mom was to love her.  She was such a beautiful person, inside and out.  She was smart, funny, talented, outgoing, and basically the complete opposite of me.  She could walk into a room full of strangers and walk out with a whole new circle of friends.  I have never been like that, I am generally pretty shy unless I feel really comfortable with people.  It takes me awhile to trust people enough to open up and let them in.  She was also very crafty.  I think maybe this is one reason why I want to learn to sew so badly.  Maybe part of me wants to feel like I was like her in at least some small way.  Because let's face it, I will never have the style thing down...I do good to get out of the house with an outfit that even matches.

When I think about her I recall her always laughing and happy.  This is probably where my historical accuracy is way off kilter because my mom committed suicide when I was a kid.  I've spent a lot of time being angry with her, and I've spent a lot of time defending her.  I have days that I get so mad that I could cry...and I have days that I am overjoyed to have had the short amount of time with her that I did get.  I suppose this inner struggle will continue forever...but no matter what, I will always remember how she made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. 

Obviously depression runs in my family.  My mom's dad committed suicide, my mom committed suicide, and I have attempted to commit suicide....twice.  You would think that after seeing how what my own mother did that I would not be so selfish, and I would not want to do the same thing to the people that care about me.  I've turned this thought over in my mind so many times that I can't even being to count them.  I've spent a bit of time in a mental health facility (that was no vacation), and I've been to numerous counselor/psychiatrist types.  What did I learn from all of this?  Pretty much nothing.  I seem to always get really pissed off at these "experts" and generally don't see them more than a handful of times.  I've had doctors tell me everything from, "it's your mom's fault" to "you wouldn't have these issues if you weren't gay".  My response?  "Ok, you fucking jackass, I have a question for you now.  How many straight patients do you see daily?  Because obviously straight people are the picture of mental health".  But I digress.

Back to my mom.  Do I think that I am the way I am because of my mom?  Hell, I don't know.  Do I blame my mom?  Nope.  I am an adult, I am reasonably intelligent, and I am completely capable of making my own decisions.  The choices I have made are my own.  In a previous post I talked about a worry angel that I received while I was in the hospital.  That particular trip to the ER was the direct result of me taking a couple of bottles of tylenol...I seriously don't know how my liver pulled through that one.  In that post I said that it reminded me to be the heroine of my story, and not the victim.  My mom allowed herself to be the victim of her story...and that is the ultimate tragedy.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Random Ramblings

It's now official, the crappy replacement BlackBerry is dead.  For real this time.  Three phones in two months is a record for me.  I'm sure AT&T loves the hell out of me though.  You're welcome Mr. Randall L. Stephenson...yes, I am dorky enough to Google the president of AT&T.

I had a slight brush with fame yesterday.  There was a country music singer at our house partying and hanging out on the boat.  I am going to refrain from mentioning his name because honestly I had never heard of him before...and I couldn't tell you the name of a single one of his songs.  So I would be name dropping just for the sake of name dropping.  BUT if Alec Baldwin, George Clooney, or Kristen Stewart ever show up on the lake I am taking hundreds of pics and passing phone numbers to them...ahem.

Speaking of country music singers, Chely Wright came out this week.  And holy wow, I was shocked.  This quote:  “I had a partner for 12 years and we only told two people in the entire time we were a couple. I wasn’t just in the closet, I was behind the sheetrock in the closet. I didn’t even tell my best friend. I didn’t tell anyone, because the minute you do, they have to lie for you.”  and this one:  “Can you imagine being someone’s partner and having to be a secret? You know, it’s really hard, it’s incredibly painful. And this was the love of my life, and to this day I struggle. I mean, I lost her because of it. I realized I had painted myself into a corner. I had amassed relative wealth and success and fame and I was doing everything I ever said I wanted to do and I realized [after the breakup] that none of it matters. I realized I would rather work in a grocery store bagging groceries and live in a crappy little apartment with my partner. I would rather have love in my life than any of this—and I lost it all.”  broke my heart.  You can read the complete article from Curve magazine here.  After reading that article you should hop over to People and read this one.  I find this tid bit about John Rich especially enlightening...The pressure had been building, she said, ever since John Rich of country-music duo Big & Rich asked her if she was gay – the first time she'd ever been asked directly after years of avoiding the issue.  She recalls: "John finally asked me point blank: 'You're not gay. If you are, people won't have it. It's sick, it's deviant, it's unacceptable to country-music fans.' And he said, 'You're not, are you?' And I lied. And I knew that I had gone from not talking about it to being a liar."  
I have A LOT to say about all of this, but honestly I think at this point it would exhaust me, and I'm just not up to it.  Maybe I'll dedicate an entry to this subject in the future.  All I will say is that I think she is lovely and talented and I wish her the very best.

On a totally unrelated note I would like to express my new love for hulu.  I missed Glee on Tuesday night AND didn't have the DVR set...but thanks to hulu I was still able to watch the episode.  I freakin' love the internet. 

And just as an update from my last post, I am still talking to Brooke.  I am enjoying the hell out of reconnecting with her.  I have smiled a lot this past month.  Which reminds me, I bought her a Mother's Day card and I'm not sure if that's lame or sweet.  So I need opinions...should I mail it or not?

*ducky hugs*

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

This Merry-Go Round Is Making Me Kinda Dizzy

I think I might possibly be the worst blogger ever.  No really EVER.  I really really really am going to try to do better.  I promise.  Also, I'm way behind on reading all the blogs I follow...and I'm way behind on answering emails.  Seriously, I'm not ignoring you.

Ok, so here's what's going on in my world.  This is not meant to be an excuse, but I have been really preoccupied.

On the 17th of this month I received a message on my MySpace Truth Box app from someone that I literally never thought I would ever hear from again.  I didn't get the message until the 21st because honestly I only randomly log onto MySpace when I'm extremely bored and have absolutely nothing else to do.  Anyway, I was shocked to get this basically just had a phone number and it said "I think you should call me", and was signed "former member of the dorky ducky club" (that's a story for another day).

It all begin in the winter of 2004...I met this woman online, we'll call her Brooke.  We chatted online for awhile, exchanged emails, and eventually started talking on the phone.  I will not lie to you, I was completely head over heels for her.  Yeah, I're thinking that's pretty dumb.  Well, I've never claimed to be smart when it comes to women.  So anyway, after we had been talking for awhile we decided that we should meet.  We didn't live anywhere near each other....I was in Texas and she was in Michigan.  I believe it was late January/early February when we first started planning this trip.  I worked for a university in TX at the time and Spring Break was going to be the first available opportunity for me to travel.  So it was set, things were great, I was giddy.  We continued chatting back and forth, and we would send each other cards and packages and whatnot.  My friends were sickened by the cuteness of it all.  On February 15th she totally dropped a bomb on me.  A friend of hers, Jen, showed up at her house the previous night...Valentine's Day...with a bouquet of flowers and expressed her undying love.  Brooke calls me and tells me that maybe a long distance relationship isn't what she up for, and it's probably smarter to pursue things with the local girl.

I was crushed.  Also Brooke was not allowed to talk to me anymore because the new girl felt threatened by me.  Awesome.

Fast forward to October 15, 2006.  I got a call from Brooke...she informed me that she and Jen had broken up the previous night.  This is really odd because I had also broken things off with my girlfriend the previous evening.  Weird huh?  I saw this as a sign.  We were just meant to be.  Who woulda thought that I am a hopeless romantic?  Anyway, we talked back and forth.  I flew out to Michigan...she flew into Denver.  All was well and good, and I was ecstatic.  Then in February Brooke informed me that she had been talking to Jen, and she was breaking up with me to see if she could make things work with her.

I was crushed.  This time Brooke promised that we would keep in touch because she didn't want to lose my friendship.  That didn't happen.  Jen hates me...I know this is hard to believe seeing as how I'm so lovable and all....but the chick literally hates me.

So now Brooke and Jen have broken up again.  Brooke is calling me again.  Brooke would like to come to Georgia to visit.  Jen is probably currently plotting on ways to kill me.

I really don't know what to do.  I'm not so blind that I can't see the pattern here.  But for me Brooke was always the one who got away...twice.  Part of me is so excited that I'm back in contact with her, and part of me is terrified that in a few months she's going to go back to Jen, and I'm going to be left to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart.  My sister in law thinks I'm crazy...actually I think her exact words were, "Are you fucking stupid?".  Stupid or not, I love this woman and if there's even a remote possibility that we can make things work then I'm going for it.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Ducky-2, BlackBerry-0

So, my drunken sister in law threw me in the lake yesterday.  My BlackBerry was in my pocket.
Rest in peace replacement BlackBerry that I didn't really like anyway.  And, I still miss you BlackBerry Bold.

*UPDATE:  the craptastic replacement BlackBerry is now functioning again.  I still REALLY miss you BlackBerry Bold! 

But on a happier note the season premier of Glee is on tonight.  :D

Monday, April 12, 2010

I Am Cheating On K-Stew With E-Shue

So, remember the other day when I said that living at the lake was going to be ridiculously fucking awesome?  I was right.  This weekend was insane.  We had soooooo much fun.  There were a few mishaps...but all in all we had a good time.

Friday night it was just me and Sandy hanging out.  We headed downstairs to the play room and shot several games of pool...and took several shots...then we watched Steel Magnolias until the sad part then we changed the channel.  Neither of us wanted to cry.  Unfortunately for me I managed to find the last shard of glass from the broken margarita machine, and got it lodged in my foot.  Sandy is an excellent nurse, she dug it out and bandaged me up...after that mishap we decided it was time for bed.  That night was relatively low-key by our standards.

Saturday morning we woke up pretty early.  Probably too early, because by 9:30 that morning we started drinking.  Smart idea?  Maybe not.  Several members of Sandy's family came over Saturday afternoon...we grilled some food, hung out on the dock where Sandy got a splinter stuck in her foot, took a boat ride, drank a little, played some pool, and just had a nice time.  Around 8pm Sandy, her mom, and her sister decided that they NEEDED to go get tattoos.  I have managed to lose my ID, so Aunt Alicia got to spend a few quality hours with all the children.  So that means it was me against 5 kids...I had two of Bradley and Sandy's, two of Sandy's sister, and one of Sandy's sister's boyfriend.  I seriously had an Adventures In Babysitting moment...I was also totally reminded of my crush on Elizabeth Shue.  At a few points in the evening I wanted to shout, "Don't fuck with the babysitter"....but I refrained.  I let the kids run around like maniacs for awhile and then convinced them all that it would be a really good idea to go to bed.  I honestly can't believe they minded me...I still haven't perfected my "mommy voice", and they have a tendency to not listen to a damn thing I say.  I really was thrilled that I didn't have to fight them too much at bedtime.  The adults all got back and we decided it would be a great idea to have a bonfire.  We ran out of wood, so we got a bit creative about what we burned.  *sorry about your flip flops Bradley...we aren't sorry about that ugly ass rug though*  At this point I was exhausted so I totally crashed.

Sunday I woke up to maniac children yelling and jumping all over me.  Fabulous!  I stumbled upstairs and had some breakfast and then collapsed on the couch...Sandy and Bradley went to take a nap.  Sandy's sister looked at me at one point and asked me, "do you hear water running?".  I did not hear water running.  About five minutes later she said, "no really I hear water running".  As lazy as I was feeling I decided I should probably get up to investigate.  I walked to the bathroom by the boys room, and found the problem.  Little Max had several diapers stuffed in the toilet and had tried to flush them.  Awesome!  The whole room was flooded.  That was a bitch to clean up.  I'm still trying to figure out how he got the diapers off the changing table...he is not that tall.  Kids are creative I suppose....I am learning that if you look away for two minutes they will be into something.  Sunday evening  Mason walked out on the upper deck where I was smoking and just looked at me and said he had to tee-tee.  He always tells one of us before he goes to the I said, "ok go in there and tee-tee".  At this point he pulls his swim trunks down and proceeds to urinate on the deck.  Unfortunately the guys were pulling our dinner off the grill....which is on the lower deck.  Thanks for the marinade kiddo.

Monday, March 29, 2010


Ok, so my title has nothing to do with my actual blog post....but I did watch The Goonies this weekend.  Wow, 20 whole days since my last post...lots and lots has happened.  Some of it I don't recall, I thank my sister in law and our best friend alcohol for that.  But here's what I do know:

  • I still haven't completely unpacked...and I've been here over a month.  Pretty awesome huh?  I really love digging through boxes to find my stuff.  It makes my daily life a bit more challenging...and who doesn't like a good challenge?

  • Not being unpacked is a really good thing right now because I'm moving again.  Not a crazy move this time...we're getting a house at the lake.

  • I killed my beloved BlackBerry.  Not intentionally, but it is officially dead.  I have to say it put up a hell of a fight.  RIP dear phone,  miss new BlackBerry sucks.  My brother is trying to convince me to get an iPhone.  I'm actually considering it...which I never thought I would do.

  • Getting a house at the lake is going to be completely fucking ridiculously amazing.

  • Last Thursday my brother and I ditched work and went to the lake to see if we could find the house from the water.  We did.  It was the first time I had seen it...and I'm in love.  Also, while we were on the lake Mother Nature remembered that she hates me, so there was a torrential downpour and it got really freakin' cold.  We had to take cover under a bridge.  But at least I didn't catch pneumonia.  Take that Mother Whore Nature.

  • My brother's daughter spent the weekend with us.  We had some arts & crafts/cooking time and produced some pretty kickass Easter stuff.  I have the best nieces and nephews on the planet.  If I were a better aunt I would probably have pics to post....but at least they are on Facebook.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I Probably Need Therapy

Really Life & Style magazine? Really?

Apparently you can’t give a little girl a “boy’s” haircut or let her wear pants without the world having a complete meltdown and possibly exploding. Sure the kid has some tomboy tendencies.  According to the article she only responds to the name "John". Which, of course, means there is something deeply wrong with her upbringing, possibly evil, and definitely worth consulting a panel of stylists and psychological experts over.  *rolls eyes*  It had nothing to do with the fact that she wanted to be John or Peter from Peter Pan.  Holy shit the kid has short hair and watches Disney movies...quick, someone alert the media.  Hmm, my 4 year old niece Kambree when in trouble tells us all that it wasn't her, it was Crazy Helen who was bad.  She also refuses to wear pink, and would prefer blue or camouflage (like her PawPaw).  Maybe we should have her evaluated too.  My 3 year old nephew put on his Wolverine costume as soon as he got home last night and refused to take it off.  This child is obviously unhinged.  When I was 3 I was constantly stripping naked just because I hated being in clothes.  Also, I had short hair as a child because I was a pain in the ass and didn't want anyone brushing it.  And there was that one incident where I cut my own hair.  It's a miracle I'm not a nudist hairdresser today.

But back to Life & Style....I wonder if they really think Brad and Angelina are attemping to turn Shiloh into a boy or if this was just all calculated to cause controversy and boost circulation.  I am not linking to the article, but if you wanna read it in it's entirety I'm sure google can help you out. Some of the things that jumped out at me were that they called her haircut “shockingly short” and that it pushes the boundaries into “cross-dresser territory”.  They even quote an “expert,” though I can't stomach calling him that, from of all places Focus on the Family.  I may have to go take a vomit break in a moment.

Are people's views so limited, their definitions so rigid that they can't see that life is wonderful because of our differences...not in spite of them? Life to me, would be unbearable without variation and possibilities and freedom. If a little girl wants to cut her hair short, run around in cargo pants and avoid ruffles like the plague, why should you even care? What is so threatening or scary or wrong with letting children just be themselves? I  personally don't have any children, but I feel that if more people let their kids express themselves freely....wear what they wanted, pursue what they wanted, be who they wanted, love who they wanted...this crazy world of ours might just be the better for it.

Life really is way too short to sweat the small stuff. And a haircut and clothes, well that’s beyond small, it’s microscopic. Am I completely and totally nuts?  I'm curious as to how the parents out there feel about this.


...I can't wait to see this movie

*I tried to resize this three times...but I am obviously not smart enough to figure out how to make it exactly right. Go me! But honestly it's better if you put it in full screen mode anyway ;)

I Feel Like Such A Slacker

In the wake of my latest cross-country move I have totally neglected my whole Day Zero Project thing.  I have really got to get on the ball with that.  1001 days goes by much quicker than I would have thought.  After a few failed attempts at logging in...yes, it's been that long and I forgot my log in information...I was told that I'm down to 934 days and my list is currently 9% complete.  EEK! 

What is it they say about good intentions?

Monday, March 8, 2010

Poptart Monkeys and Jager Bombs

All I can say about Saturday night is, "wow did that really happen?".  Five of us loaded up and went to Atlanta to go out.  First stop was Andretti's, because the guys wanted to race the go karts.  While at Andretti's I lost my ID.  I discovered this when I ordered a drink and got carded.  It was in my back pocket, so there is really no telling where it fell out it.  We searched the car, the restroom, the smoking area outside, checked with the office to see if it was turned in...and no luck.  After leaving Andretti's we went to this steak house to eat.  Sandy, my lovely sister in law, got the brilliant idea to order margaritas.  I ordered water.  Nick, our designated driver, chugged my water for me so that Sandy could pour the margarita in my water glass.  Sneaky sneaky.  Our next mission was to somehow get me in a bar or club.  I am 32 years old....and we're sneaking me alcohol and into bars...I felt like a teenager again.  My brother knows the lovely gentleman that owns a bar called Peachtree Tavern (imagine that), so we were able to get in there.  After several Jager and Redbulls a band started playing.  They were called the Poptart Monkeys...and I was either really drunk, or they were really good because I really enjoyed the show.  Sandy managed to get pulled onto the stage to dance with the guitar player....and Jamie and I were not prepared with the cameras.  I also met a really cute girl and we exchanged phone numbers.  I have her in my phone as "hot girl", because I couldn't hear her name over the band.  So now I'm not sure I'm going to call her.  Oh well.
On the way home my brother cooked up a plan to have a friend of his pull us over.  The guys were sitting up front plotting, and us girls were in the back clueless.  When we saw the blue lights, we freaked out.  I'm not sure why we freaked out...I mean we had a sober designated driver.  As far as I know there is no law about being a drunken passenger in Georgia...but it's still scary to get pulled over no matter what.
By the time we got back home it was like we decided it would be a GREAT idea to go wake up our friend Al.  Surprisingly enough he wasn't mad...he was amused.  He didn't even get mad when Sandy and Bradley were goofing around and knocked a picture off the wall and broke it.  He offered to make us all some breakfast....but we decided it was probably time to go home and crawl into bed.  I layed in bed and slept/watched movies until like 3 in the afternoon.  Nick and Jamie came over last night and we all laughed and made fun of each other for all the stupid shit we had done the night before. 
Today it's back to behaving, working, and attempting to act like an adult.  Wish me luck...I seem to have issues in that department.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

It Makes Me Smile

This is going to be a slightly different version of the "It Makes Me Smile" series...before I talked about a physical I want to talk about my nephew.  Those of you who really know me, know that my nephew, Max, has a rare genetic disorder.  And when I say rare, I mean there have only been just over 30 confirmed cases.  He has a Carnitine-acylcarnitine translocase (CACT) deficiency.  He also has epileptic seizures, staph, and well the poor baby is just sick all the damn time.  Two days ago my sister in law and I were out and about with little Max, we were eating at On The Border and he had a seizure.  That was my first time witnessing one of his seizures...and it scared the hell out of me.  What really amazes me is that he is one of the happiest, most loving babies I've ever been around in my life.  I can't imagine how scary and painful everything he's going through is...and as a toddler you know he can't possibly understand what's going on with his little body.  But he's an inspiration to me...I mean he can still put a smile on that cute little face and cuddle and play and act "normal",  kinda makes me feel bad for all the bitching and whining and complaining that I do.  Maybe I should evalute my life and my attitude a little bit and be thankful that I'm healthy and try to keep a smile on my face to match his.

Monday, March 1, 2010

I Had To Use My Spidey Sense For This One

Following is my wake-up Sunday morning:

Sandy (sister in law):  hey, sis wake up

Me:  (groggy)  hmmm, what?

Sandy:  hey, come on get up.  will you help me go shop for the stuff for Mason's (my newphew) birthday party?

Me:  ok, when's the party.

Sandy:  3 o'clock


Needless to say we scrambled during the shopping process, and then scrambled at the house to get everything clean and decorated.  But a fun time was had by all.  Mason had a fabulous SpiderMan party!  Happy Birthday Moose!!!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I Guess I'm A Peach Now

Oh Blogger, how I've missed you. 

Well boys and girls I made it Georgia...with only a few mishaps along the way.  I began journey from Texas to Georgia bright and early Monday morning.  Well, actually is was pretty cloudy and grey out so I guess it wasn't so bright...but whatever it was early.  I made it to somewhere in Louisiana before I had any incidents.  I was driving along and heard a weird sound, like metal being run over.  Hmm, I thought I had run over something, or something fell off of my beloved car.  I was correct in both cases.  My front license plate leaped off my front bumper and commited was sad.  So then I had a dilemma, do I go back or do I just say screw it and keep driving?  I opted to go back for it.  Probably not the safest thing I've ever done, but I didn't want to get a ticket for not having the damn thing.  In TX it's a law that you have to have a front plate, I know in LA you aren't required to have one....but I wasn't sure about MS, AL, or GA and I didn't want to risk it. 
All went well for a few hundred more miles...well except extreme boredom had kicked in somewhere around the Mississippi state line.  It was at this point that I called practically everyone I know.  I interrupted people while they were in classes or at work.  You're welcome. 
Right around the Alabama/Georgia border my ass just fell off of my body.  I didn't go back for it.  I'm going to miss it.  Also I was beginning to worry that my knees would no longer function properly once I finally got out of the car.  I'm falling apart.
I damn near had a panic attack in Atlanta.  Seriously, you people drive like maniacs.  BUT I didn't get lost in Atlanta, which shocks me.  I swear every single time I've been to that city I have gotten lost somehow.  So at this point I'm only about an hour from my new home.  WooHoo!
FINALLY after what seemed like an eternity of driving I see the exit to Jefferson.  I think I shed a tear or two of joy.  I took the exit and then followed the directions that the navigation system lady gave me.  As it turns out she's a big fat liar and she sent me the wrong way.  I somehow ended up on a dirt road...I called my brother for directions...he didn't know where I was.  His solution?  For me to just sit there and he would drive around until he found didn't take him long, I was two streets down from his subdivision.  Really Bradley?!?  You don't know the names of these streets? 
When I get into the house my sister in law shoved a beer in my hand and told me it was time to party.  Outstanding.  Georgia is my new favorite place.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Really Quick Update

What a week!  Well, I gave my notice at work on Monday.  My last scheduled day will be February 12th.  Things are happening a little faster than I first expected...but life happens.  This means I'm probably not going to be able to make the rounds and see all of the family and friends that I would like to before my departure from TX.  While that makes me sad, I know that I'm only a plane ride away.  I am excited about the new adventure ahead of me.  Well, I'm not excited about having to drive roughly 855 miles...anyone wanna drive me there?  But for the most part I'm stoked!!!  My posting will most likely continue to be sporadic until I actually get to GA and get settled in.  So if you need me call/text/email me...the BlackBerry is rarely out of reach.

*ducky hugs*

Friday, January 22, 2010

I Should've Been A Meterologist

When I look at the Ducky Doppler Radar, I can see the winds of change are about to start blowing.  And they are blowing east.  This is almost guaranteed to cause a Category 5 Shit Storm in Texas.

Let me translate that:  I have decided to move to Georgia.  This will most like happen in the next several weeks.  There are people here that aren't going to be pleased with this...for example Adam is sad, baby sister is going to be upset, my supervisor at work is probably gonna flip the fuck out when I put in my notice, and I am almost certain that my grandmother is not going to be thrilled at the idea of me moving out of state yet again.  I think Cousin It might be a little sad too...but I'm pretty certain planes fly from Atlanta to Austin ;)

This new development is the reason for my absence from bloggyland lately.  That is because I've been planning and thinking and trying to decide if this is a smart move.  Trust me I've made some monumentally dumb moves before.  After lots of thought I have decided that it is indeed time for me to pack it up and move along.  I honestly don't think I was meant to live in any one place for an extended amount of time.  I just can't do it, I get bored and restless and start freaking out.  I've been getting antsy for awhile's time for a new adventure.

Wish me luck!

Friday, January 15, 2010

It Makes Me Smile

This morning I was annoyed and posted about a mean person.  This afternoon I think I should balance things a bit and post something about a nice person.  Earlier this week Tammie blogged about doing a series of posts about the little things in her life that make her happy and brighten her day.  I thought this was an excellent I stole it from her.  But don't worry, she said it was ok.

This is my "Worry Angel"'s a worry stone with an angel inside.  I know the pic sucks...sorry.  But anyway, about six years ago I was in the hospital for several weeks.  I thought I was going to die...literally.  I was scared, confused, and pretty much alone.  I had many amazing people taking care of me, but one nurse in particular really stood out.  She was absolutely amazing...she would stay after her shift and sit and talk to me for hours...she helped ease some of my fears, she was comforting, she was funny, she brought me books & magazines, she was there for me.  She made one of the most difficult times in my life bearable.  I honestly don't know why she did everything she did for me.  But she is one of the kindest people I've ever met in my life. 
The day I was discharged from the hospital she came to see me, and gave me the worry angel.  There was a card that explained that my particular stone was the Hope Angel...and there was this poem:

Give your worries to the Angels
It is time to heal your heart.
Every day's a new beginning
Where love & hope can start.
Give your worries to the Angels
Release your doubt & fear.
Trust in God to always be there
With Angels always near.

 I was incredibly touched by this gesture and by her friendship.  Now this worry angel goes everywhere with's always in my pocket, my purse, or in my car.  This little stone is one of my most prized possessions.  It reminds me of a difficult time in my past, and that I can survive a lot.  It reminds me of the most selfless person I've ever met, the kind of person I would like to be.  And it reminds me to strive to be the heroine of my story, not the victim.

She signed my card "from a nurse who cares".  I guess you can consider me a patient who is eternally grateful.

Let's Make A Deal

I got an email the other day regarding my blog.   It wasn't very nice.  I was accused of being "fake" and "a phony" a random stranger.  And this was based solely on the fact that I do not have a real picture of myself posted on my blog...and that my real name can't possibly be R.H. Ducky.  While it is true that I am not really a cartoon duck sitting in a bowl of soup, and my name is not in fact R.H. Ducky, I'm fairly certain that doesn't make anything I've written about any less true.  Besides, I think I pretty much covered this little issue with my very first post Not that I expect every visitor to my blog to read every single post I have...I'm just sayin' it's there.

At first I was upset by this email...I don't want people to think I'm a phony.  But after I thought about it for a little while I was pretty annoyed by the situation.  First, I'm quite positive I'm not the only person out there blogging under a name other than one on my birth certificate.  WTF difference does it make?  If you don't like my blog, hit that nifty little "Next Blog" button at the top of your screen and move it right along. 

I welcome emails and comments, and I'm fully aware that everyone on the planet is not always going to agree with everything I say or do.  That's fine...disagree with me all you want, the world would be boring if we all had the same thoughts and opinions.  I just ask that you do it respectfully. 

So, let's compromise...I won't call you a douchebag asshole if you refrain from calling me a fake ass whore.  Deal?  Deal.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

As Seen On TV

I've talked briefly before about my shopping issues.  The first being that I absolutely hate, with a passion, having to actually go into a store to purchase things.  This brings us to my next issue, online shopping...oh internet, how I love you so.  I would probably also have an "as seen on tv" disorder as well, but I hate talking on the phone about as much as I hate going into stores.

I have seen many things on cheesy ass TV commercials that I felt that I needed though.  Such as:

Seriously, who doesn't want a Big City Slider Station?  I freakin' love tiny burgers!  And is there a White Castle or Krystal Burger near me?  Hell no.  If I want tiny burgers I'm gonna have to make them myself. 

And since I'm such a delicate flower and have sensitive skin, Smooth Away would be absolutely perfect for me!

I don't actually think I need the Hair Coloring Brush...but I want it.  Mostly because I want to find someone crazy enough to try it.  The fact that this chick obviously has on a really horrible wig in the advertisement makes me laugh...and makes me terrified of the product.

That brings us to Bumpits.  Big Happie Hair?  Well, hell yeah...I mean I do live in Texas, I think big happyie hair is a requirement. 

This past weekend I was hanging out with some friends in my hometown and we ended up going to a redneck bar.  Why a redneck bar you ask?  Honestly, there are no other options for bars in my hometown.  We actually had a really good time...the beer was cold, and the people watching is always good for a few laughs.  There was one woman with the biggest happiest hair I've ever seen, courtesy of a Bumpit I'm sure.  This got me to thinking...what if I gathered a group of friends and we all wore Bumpits and went out bar hopping.  I shared this brilliant idea with one of my female friends, her response was "wow, you're really drunk".  And apparently I was, because I had totally forgotten about this plan until today.  *thank you coworker for having really huge hair and reminding me of my plan*  Well, I'm sober now, and I still think it's pretty damned hilarious. 
So of course I googled "Bumpits" a little while ago, and BAM there are so many websites out there totally dedicated to "as seen on tv" items.  This gave me a whole new brilliant idea.  I think I should buy some of these products occasionally and test them out then write a post about them.  Thoughts?