Over The River And Through The Woods

I had a pretty nontraditional Thanksgiving this year.  I'm accustomed to being either at my family's or whoever I happen to be dating's family or with Munky's family.  This year I was at home alone, and ate some crockpot chili (which was excellent by the way...I would give out a recipe but I don't think me throwing random shit in the crockpot constitutes a recipe).  So, I know that probably sounds kind of sad...and in a way I did miss the whole Thanksgiving thing...but really it was ok.  I got some reading done, I watched a few movies that Adam thinks are "stupid", caught up on laundry, cleaned the house a bit, watched some of the random stuff that has been sitting on the DVR waiting patiently to be viewed, and I played some Wii.  So all in all I had a good day.  Friday evening my grandma called me, the conversation went something like this:

Me:  hello?

Grandma:  sissy? (don't laugh she's called me that all my life)

Me:  hey big dog (you can laugh at that)

Grandma:  so why didn't you come to Thanksgiving little pup (yeah, she's awesome like that)

Me:  umm, I technically wasn't invited and didn't know where ya'll were getting together

Grandma:  aww fiddlesticks you know you don't need an invitation

Me:  so where did ya'll do Thanksgiving?

Grandma:  oh, we all just went out to eat

*so I'm wondering at this point if my grandma thinks I'm psychic and I was just going to magically show up at said restaurant with no invitation
**then the conversation was just normal catching up stuff, so we're going to skip ahead

Grandma:  did you go shopping today, it's Black Friday ya know

Me:  I wanted to go buy a sewing machine, but after thinking about it I decided I didn't want to fight the crowds.  You know I hate shopping.

Grandma:  I didn't go either.  But if you want a sewing machine you can have your mama's, I have it here.  Why don't you come up here and pick it up...I'll bet you'll be just like your mama, you can probably make anything you want on it.  (yep, she got me with promises of a sewing machine and the skillful use of my complete worship of my mom...my grandma is a sneaky one)

I really was trying to avoid the whole family thing this year (that's a long story), but I did end up going to see my grandma yesterday.  It was really nice to see her, I really should try to go visit more often.  Oh, but I still don't have a sewing machine...apparently my other grandma (in Georgia) actually has it.  I guess I'm going to have to go shopping after all.

Umm Thanks

Barely 24 hrs in and I think I have to break my Thanksgiving Resolution.  Damn you work for making me do this.  But umm, all "nonessential" employees got to leave at noon today and were paid until 5:00.  Wow, so really I have to sit here and wait on some jackass to send me some paperwork so I can get my job done.  Do I get double pay for the 5 "extra" hours I am here...I seriously doubt it.

But on the bright side, I do have a job.  And apparently I'm an "essential" employee.  Don't I feel important?  Ok, that wasn't technically a resolution breaker.  I found two things to be thankful for.

Thanksgiving Resolution...Because Some Things Just Shouldn't Wait Until January

So it's that time of year again.  The time when we are all reminded to think about the things we are thankful for.  I've had a FML seriously bitter attitude lately...but when I really stop to think about things I am actually pretty damned lucky.  I may not necessarily see eye to eye with all (ok most) of my family members, but I do have some family that is absolutely amazing.  I may not be rich and live some extravagant life, but I make enough money to survive.  I may not get to see all of my close friends as frequently as I like, but I am fortunate to have pretty spectacular people in my life.  The heater in our house may not work right now, but I do have a roof over my head (and for all of my complaining, I do live in Texas so it isn't really that bad).

I could sit here and come up with a really long list of things that I bitch about on a regular basis, and then I could probably come up with a list more than twice as long of things I am grateful for.  I wonder what it says about me that I've just stopped to consider this right now, right before Thanksgiving?  I'm pretty sure I should start focusing on the more positive aspects of my existence, and attempt to be less selfish and whiny. 

Everyone has bad days, and I'm not going to try to kid myself and say that I'm always going to be a ray of sunshine...but I'm gonna try a bit harder.  That's my Thanksgiving Resolution.  Starting now, I'm giving my blogland buddies permission to (virtually) kick me in the ass whenever I start getting out of control with whining/complaining/bitching.  So there's something for you to look forward this holiday season.

Hope you all have a happy and safe Thanksgiving.

*ducky hugs*

Undeniable Proof That I Have Way Too Much Time On My Hands

Rather than whining about our broken heater and the $2,800.00 it's going to take to fix it, I've decided to answer some questions.  A whole freakin' shitload of questions actually.  Anyone else who wants to answer them should do so...these things amuse me. 


Do you have any nicknames?
bitch (thanks adam), fat ass (thanks sam), psychohosebeast (thanks amy), and slim (thanks holly)

Who will you be sleeping with tonight?
i don't have anyone scheduled. any volunteers?

Do you like to grocery shop?
well, i am a fat ass

Do you do your own laundry?
yes, but only until i win the lottery

Do you watch "The Hills"?
no...are they really alive with the sound of music?

Wearing any bracelets?
always, but i'm short one bracelet...due to my klutziness i broke one of my favorite ones

Last thing you drank?
coffee....caffeine and nicotine is the actual breakfast of champions, just so you know

What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping

What was the first thing you did when you woke up?
i enjoy waking up so much that i hit snooze repeatedly just so i can do it several times a day

Are you taller than your mom?
i'm taller than your mom

Do you want to get married and have children one day?
that's not currently on my to-do list...but who knows

Dog or cat person?
normally dogs...but catwoman is pretty hot

Favorite place to shop?
the internet

Ever open a bag of chips in the grocery store and eat them before paying?
oh shit, you're supposed to pay for the food you consume while you're still in the store?!? oops

Do you like being in pictures?
depends on my level of inebriation

Ever been in an ambulance?
considering all the stupid shit i've done in my life i'm pretty shocked that i've never ridden in an ambulance. i do seem to take a ride in the waaaaambulance frequently though

Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?
it's actually all my natural color

Do you have trust issues?
yeah, and that's just the start of a long list of my issues

What's the first thing you'll do when you turn 18?
do i get to count backwards now? woohoo

Do you smile often?
when people aren't pissing me off i do

Do you prefer an ocean or pool?
i'd take either...and some warm sunshine right about now

Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?
no, but i'm pretty convinced that i was indeed adopted

Can you imagine yourself living in a cardboard box?
rent would probably be cheaper

Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle?
several times...and trust me, it's not an easy task for tall people

Are you a loud person?
only when i'm yelling

Do you read?
nope, i've just been guessing which questions you're going to ask me. how am i doing so far?

Are you a fast typer?
yes...mostly because i don't usually bother with the shift key and i couldn't really care less if i have typos.  underachievement at it's finest

How old will you be in five years?
approximately 13,565.25 days old

How tall are you?
180.34 cm

What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
my report card

What time did you wake up today?
i'm still working on it

What are you wearing right now?
boring work clothes...jeans and a company tshirt

Do you like Christmas songs?
omg no! could we please, please, please get some new christmas songs...the current ones have been seriously overplayed

Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
are you flirting with me?

What do you like about winter?
that it always eventually ends

How many states/provinces have you lived in?
seven...i think

What is your favorite restaurant?
hooters...j/k i've never actually been there. but their new "more than a mouthful" ad campain makes me giggle like a teenage boy

What is your favorite kind of ice cream?
beef tips w/ gravy

What is your favorite kind of soup?
talk...joel cracks me up

How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
how much water is actually in 12 oz of beer?

Do you know how to play poker?
not really. but that reminds me of a joke...
how do you wake lady gaga up? you poke her face

Have you ever been to Canada?
no, but i have been to a canadian's house.  does that count for anything?

Have you ever gotten stitches?
i'm a klutzy accident waiting to happen...so yes

Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
i guess some people might call them that

Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
dip me in honey and throw me to the....oh wait, that wasn't an option

What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
a precise mixture of bbq and hot mustard

Can you change the oil on a car?
yes. and by yes, i really mean no

What is your usual bedtime?
right after i run out of alcohol

Do you dance in the car?
yeah, a friend of mine showed me how to do the electric slide in the backseat last week

What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper?
b flat...no, i'm not writing a song, i just need to pick up some new bras

Is it possible that you could be pregnant right now?
they say anything is possible.  but they are wrong.

If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?
mrs. dash

Is there a guy that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
adam and munky know all my dirty little secrets

Do you regret dating anyone you dated?
i've made a few (ok a lot) of bad choices in the dating department

When do you go back to school?
monday...wait, no, that's work

If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you?
omg i'm answering questions written by high schoolers

Would you say you have an organized bedroom?
i wouldn't say that i have an organized anything

When you're at the grocery store do you use the self checkout?
they have mirrors at the grocery store now?

Is your shirt yellow?
no, it's pretty brave

Do you honestly believe that good things come to those who wait?
patience is a virtue...a virtue i don't possess, so i really wouldn't know

Do you date a boy/girl for looks or personality?
a think a good mix of both is fairly important...being rich doesn't hurt either. kidding. sort of

What did you do yesterday?
i rearranged my sock drawer

When was the last time you had a great day?
tomorrow

Little House On The Prairie?

Nope.  Too many pine trees around here to be a prairie.  As a matter of fact we have like 467 of the 'em in our front and back yards alone.  Ok, so for those of you who haven't noticed I might exaggerate numbers a teeny tiny bit.  Our house is pretty little though, so I guess that part fits.  But from here on out I'm going to refer to our home as "the little hut in the rut".  And just to clarify, when I say our or we, I really mean Adam...you know, since he's the one who actually bought it and all.  I just live there. 

So the house is tiny and older, and oddly shaped.  But in defense of our house, all of the houses in our neighborhood are oddly shaped...we live near a lake and I guess they were going for some summery, vacationy, cottagey, something or other.  I have no clue what the technical architectural term for the style of house we live in is...so I'm gonna stick with odd.

Judging by the carpet and linoleum that was in the house at the time of purchase, I'm going to estimate that the hut was built circa 1973.  There have been some improvements made.  All of the walls have been repainted except for my bedroom (because I can't decided on a color), we redid the all of the flooring downstairs (that's a fun story), and some new appliances/fixtures have been purchased and installed.  So the hut looks much better than it did pre-purchase...but it's still in a rut.  Things that are necessary are starting to break.  There's an issue with the shower, the windows are basically just pneumonia holes that need to be resealed (or whatever you do to windows to make them not leak cold air into the house), and most recently our heater decided to stop working.

The heater issue is what prompted me to write about the hut in the first place.  It took me a long effing time to get around to the point huh?  The other day when I got home from work the house was ridiculously cold...but you have to bear in mind that I'm really cold natured and anytime the temperature dips below like 60° I'm convinced that I'm going to freeze to death.  Adam is really hot natured so in the summer the AC is running full blast, and in the winter the heater doesn't get much of a workout.  Well Adam actually got a little chilly on that particular evening so he turned the thermostat up a bit, and it didn't take us long to realize that cold air was blowing from the vents.  Not cool...well actually it was too cool, but you know what I mean.  At this point Adam decided that he should climb up into the attic crawlspace and take a look at things. 

Adam is not handy...at all...I was pretty terrified by the fact that he was crawling up a metal ladder to fiddle around with electrical stuff.  My job was to hold the ladder steady and hand him tools, and I must say I excelled at that task.  Nobody died, there weren't even any minor injuries...astounding.  But the heater still wasn't working.  Adam's dad came out to take a look at things yesterday after work (which was super sweet because he lives like an hour and half away), he is pretty handy.  But the heater still isn't working.  Hopefully we can get someone to come check it out this weekend.  You know, before hypothermia sets in. 

Until then I am going to wear 7 layers of clothes, wrap up in a blanket, and drink lots of vodka.

All Work And No Play?

I've had another super productive day at work. 

I made this:

<---That is an Excel spreadsheet that has all of the TN Lady Vols regular season games...the opponent, where they are playing, time, whether it's televised, score, and their record.  I'm not nutty about all sporting events...but I do love me some Lady Vols basketball...and I get a wee bit out of control....and I wear alot of orange and blue.

I received this:

<---That is a birthday card.  It's not my birthday.  My birthday is in September.  It is still really cute and made me smile.

I did this:

<---That is a binder clip gymnast that I made.  Complete with mat, vault, and the whole landing area.  Yeah, I'm not too down with the gymnastics lingo.  But look at that landing!  My gymnast stuck it.

I did this: 

<--- That is a binder clip cheerleader.  She cheers for the binder clip gymnast.

I also managed to squeeze in some blog reading, went to lunch with some coworkers, and even found time to do some actual work.  And I get paid for this.

Cleaning Out My Closet

Since I've decided to work on having a happier and healthier body (for some reason the video to Olivia Newton-John's "Physical" just popped into my head), I figure I should probably work on having a happier and healthier mind too.  I have come to the conclusion that I watch entirely too much television and seriously need to get back to reading more.  Being a reality show addict will really only get me so far in life.

The problem with this decision to read more is that books can be somewhat expensive to buy...and I have limited space to store all the books that I read.  Of course what I would like to do is buy an ebook reader and purchase my books at significantly reduced prices and have them stored on one nifty little device.  Is this financially practical for me at this juncture?  No.  Damn you Barnes & Noble for making me want the Nook when I can't justify spending $259.00 for it.  And damn you Amazon for taunting me with the Kindle.  Option two would be too get all of my books from the library for the lovely price of free.  This is perfect for some titles, but since I live in rural East Texas this is not a viable option for all of the books on my to-read list.  I have recently come across a few websites that are set up kinda like a "netflix for books", this idea intrigues me.  However, I don't know of anyone who has ever used any of these sites, so I'm not sure if that's the best solution either. 

I would love to one day maybe start some sort of book swap thing of my own up, and I think I could probably come up with a few fun ideas for that, but honestly I don't think I have the time/energy to invest in that project at the moment.  I really wouldn't want to half-ass it, so I'm just going to keep that idea percolating in the back of my mind for now.  But once I get my Courier, watch out world.

In the meantime, I'm gonna wait for my copy of Truly, Madly: A Novel that I won in a giveaway over at Goodreads.  I'm not sure that this is a book I would ever see in a bookstore and think, "omg I have to read that"...but I'm hoping I'll be pleasantly surprised.

Also, if anyone is interested in any of the books that are lying around taking up space in my glorified closet of a bedroom, I will gladly box them up and send them out to you.  It makes me sad to get rid of books, but the reality of my life right now is that things are just getting too cluttered.  I've given away a ton of books and random things that were sitting around looking sad and unused to various friends already, so the pickings are slim...but really, how can you turn down a box of random ass free shit?

I Was Living The High Life....Or Somethin'

Since the "town" I live in has a population of roughly 559 it's not surprising that I get bored...frequently.  It's a good thing that I'm easily amused. 

Friday evening on my home from work I called Adam and asked him if he needed me to stop and pick anything up on my way in.  He wanted new sponges for the kitchen.  Umm, ok...I was beginning to worry that our weekend was going to be less than entertaining for me.  Using my powers of persuasion I convinced him that alcohol would be more fun...actually it really wasn't that difficult to persuade him.  But anyway, when I went into the store I couldn't help but notice that Miller has some 16oz. cans of their High Life variety of beer in freakin' camouflage cans.  Of course I couldn't resist buying them because I just HAD to show someone, and both my camera and phone were left in the car.

I have a question for whoever is in charge of this little project over at Miller.  Ok, so on this very can it says, "The Champagne of Beer".  Who thought it was a good idea to put "the champagne of beer" in a camouflage can?  That just seems like flawed logic to me.  Granted, I did drink one of these and "champagne of beer" is not necessarily the first thing my taste buds were screaming.  You might want a new logo.  Just sayin'

So now I have to wonder...is this strictly a backwoods Texas thing?  Are these camo cans in other states?  And most importantly, did I really move here on purpose?

Whacky Doodle Dandy

Astroglide, that's what I'm going to start calling my oddball over-sharing coworker.  Because really K-Y was just too obvious.  For anyone who didn't catch yesterday's post, this batshit crazy lady that I work with was compelled to tell me about her dried up hoo-ha.  I believe her exact words were, "I can't find a boyfriend because I'm dry...you know, down there".
This particular conversation fascinated me.  Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely no interest at all in this chicks bits and pieces.  BUT I do find it absolutely amazing that this woman, who I barely know, decided to bestow this information upon me.  I'm also curious as to how this particular problem prevents her from finding a boyfriend.  Unless of course she randomly volunteers this information to potential dates...which I could really see her doing now that I think about it.

I also have a couple of other issues with Astroglide...
~ she got all of her hair chopped off and then told me that we were "twinkies".  Umm, no we're not freakshow.  First off, I have naturally straight hair and she has naturally curly hair (which she doesn't straighten).  Second, my hair is cut in a bob (according to my sister in law a "bitch bob"...longer in the front and stacked in the back) while Astro's hair looks kinda like my grandma's, which would be nowhere even remotely similar to my hair.
~ on two separate occasions she has actually touched my hair.  That was pretty weird.  Call me crazy but I have an aversion to people that I don't really know touching any part of me.
~ she offers me a Diet Coke at least two or three times a week.  Each time I politely tell her that I do not like Diet Coke and decline.  She then tells me that she has to drink Diet Coke because she is diabetic.  Seriously, I think she has told me she drinks Diet Coke because she's diabetic 973,426 times since she's started working here.

One day I'm going to snap, and it's not going to be pretty.  I can see it now, I'll go into full on Tourettes mode and start screaming about Diet Coke, granny hair, lube, and twinkies...then I will just sit in the corner chanting "please don't touch me, please don't touch me" while slowly rocking back and forth.  Should be entertaining.

Boring Days and Things You Just Can't Un-hear

Wow, today has been incredibly slow and boring at work today....well, things have been incredibly slow and boring all week for that matter. *crosses fingers that there are no new lay-offs coming*

During my time of boredom I have:

- googled a lot of random shit

- smoked too many cigarettes

- cruised around a few other blogs on here

- tried to determine what my new hobby should be

- found a cute website on origami

- decided that my new hobby probably should not be origami...

- and based on the above photo, I'm also going to rule out photography
- ran across a post on Tammie's blog that has me wanting to learn to sew
- was told by a coworker (that I don't particularly care for) that she can't find a boyfriend because she is dry..."down there"  *shudder*.  Honestly when she first said dry, I immediately thought she meant her sense of humor or something.  I really want to go soak my brain in bleach right now.
- had another failed attempt at explaining the difference between rows and columns to a different coworker.  I really wanted to advise this chick to just stay the hell away from Excel. 
- password protected all of my Excel files so the above mentioned coworker can't possibly screw around with them.
- found an awesome coupon on Hobby Lobby's website for 40% off any one item of regular price.  Since I get paid tomorrow maybe I will go do a little shopping
- considered options for fun things to do this weekend
- decided that I will probably drink too much alcohol this weekend
- convinced one of the chicks in the Engineering Dept. to sauter my broken bracelet
- shortly after receiving repaired bracelet I caught it on a door handle and rebroke it
- won a game of Minesweeper

-wrote writing a blog entry

Now I just have to figure out what to do the remaining 39 or so minutes left in my workday.  What a productive day I've had.  I'm tired.